'The Bachelor' Episode 2 recap: Raise your hand if you have been personally victimized by Corinne

Welcome to RedEye's coverage of “The Bachelor,” arguably the most misogynistic show on television! The format is pretty simple: We each drafted seven or eight of the 30 competing women. Everyone gets one point for every woman who gets through each week.

As an adolescent, I was frequently comforted by my mother who assured me that while boys weren’t currently interested in me (like, at all), they would be eventually. “You’re not a girl they date,” she would say maddeningly. “You’re a girl they marry.” Sure, OK. There are no plot holes there.

But we’ll offer that same advice to the women of “The Bachelor.” Women who take their tops off and make the Bachelor grab their boobs are maybe not in this for the long haul. Women like Corinne don’t get the ros—oh? She did? Sorry, ladies. Forget we said anything.

Team One – 5 points

Danielle M., Lauren, Danielle L., Rachel, Corinne, Dominique, Ida Marie

It was a very exciting week for my team. First things first, Corinne is my least favorite contestant in my fairly short time watching this godforsaken show. Girl, you need to chill. In true early on-set villain fashion, Corinne took everything way too far this week, from bragging about her first kiss with Nick to literally getting naked with him IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. Baby girl, I'm happy you're so secure in who you are, but if you wanna make it out of this house alive, you have to tone it down. But she got the first group date rose so maybe just disregard all of my advice.

And now for something completely different. Certified Most Adorable Human™ Danielle M. got the FIRST SOLO DATE OMG. Helicopter to a yacht to a seaside dinner? So cute. She revealed a tragic secret from her past: Her fiancé passed away from a drug overdose five years ago, which makes Nick's poor little runner up story pale in comparison. Danielle solidly has me in her corner. And then they make out on a Ferris wheel. Another rose for my girls? Yes, please.

As for the rest of my team: They have a lot of ground to cover if they're going to compete like Corinne and Danielle did this episode.

Shelbie Lynn Bostedt

Team Two – 5 points

Kristina, Angela, Astrid, Susannah, Taylor, Christen, Alexis

Look, Taylor. You’re a 23-year-old with a Masters degree, which is pretty cool, but talking about your big brain is not the most effective way to endear us to you. It’s better if we realize you’re smart without you saying, “I’m smart.” I say this because you’re my only true competitor right now, so please keep it together and don’t embarrass me.

In other news this week: Christen because Liz’s sidekick, Alexis threw a birthday party for her boob job, Kristina explained her accent and Astrid looked pretty. Get your head in the game, girls.

Lauren Chval

Team Three – 5 points

Whitney, Sarah, Briana, Lacey, Hailey, Michelle, Jaimi, Josephine

For better or for worse, my team seemed to tone down the crazy a little bit this episode. Or at least they were overshadowed by villain Corinne. Part of the let's-take-wedding-pictures-with-Nick group was Hailey (biker bride), Lacey (a bridesmaid) and Sarah (Vegas bride), but none really owned their time with Nick like topless Corinne or pretty pretty princess Taylor. Later, Josephine did stop the show by full-out slapping Nick during a pretend breakup skit, but she too was overshadowed by Liz and her real-life confession of how she knew NIck before the show.

On the plus side, Jaimi seemed to hold Nick's attention for 30 seconds by revealing that she dated a girl once! On the down side, Whitney was MIA. C'mon, ladies, let's step it up. It's clear by the way he's distracted and attracted to Corinne that the depth you're all looking for in Nick is nonexistent or at least been sidelined by the show's producers until later in the show. Where's the crazy you guys brought during the premiere?

Elise De Los Santos

Team Four – 5 points

Liz, Raven, Vanessa, Brittany, Jasmine G., Elizabeth, Jasmine B., Olivia

Last night’s episode of “The Bachelor” made me uncomfortable. Like crawl into a hole and die uncomfortable. There were fake wedding photo shoots, a broken relationships museum and an actual breakup.

My team was all over the place this week. Elizabeth doesn’t really exist much, Jasmine G. was aggressive again and Brittany went topless in as “Eve,” as in “Adam and Eve.”

Raven didn’t have much screen time this week, but she gets props for not mincing her words. As Corinne wreaked havoc on the girls by constantly interrupting one-on-one time with Nick, Raven noted, “If Nick likes someone who is just leading with their sexuality, no wonder it’s his fourth time.” Poor Nick.

But we need to talk about Liz. During the group date at the Broken Relationships Museum, Liz used her time to get real with Nick about their history (at Jade and Tanner’s wedding in case anybody missed that), making Nick uncomfortable. After a long conversation, Nick finally sent her on her way telling her they just don’t have a future.

I’m still uncomfortable thinking about it.

Sara Amato

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