Simulating your most intimate moments on stage sounds like a daunting task. National air sex champion Kate Anderson says quite the opposite..
"It's exhilarating," the 26-year-old Edgewater resident said. "I think it's a really joyous, sex-positive experience. Everybody in the audience is on your side. Everybody is amazed at how brave you are."
She follows that up with three words you'd never expect to hear someone who goes by the stage name Cuntastrophe use to describe her craft.
"It's really sweet," she said.
Anderson will host the Chicago Air Sex Championships on Friday night at the Abbey Pub. The competition is free to enter and open to the general public.
So what kind of advice would she give to someone entering their first air sex competition?
"Bring what you've always wanted to do," she said. "You're gonna stand up on stage in front of an audience and we're all gonna cheer for you. Bring what makes you happy. Everybody will love it, guaranteed."
Anderson said the best songs for traditional sex don't necessarily make for the best air sex jams.
"I've never really seen a Barry White song go over well, in air sex at least," she said. "It's a piece of performance art and you really need to heighten your piece and it's really tough to heighten when the music is slow in the background."
Anderson herself prefers more aggressive tunes, the better with which to engage her audience.
"Every song I've performed to has either accelerated or has a really heavy bass line and it's pretty clear you would have sex to that aggressively," she said.
Of course, the fact that you're not actually having sex with someone isn't the only difference between traditional sex and air sex.
Chris Trew, an Austin-based comedian who founded the Air Sex Championships six years ago, said that unlike in the bedroom, you don't necessarily have to be good at the physical act of sex to be good at air sex.
"I've seen people be very successful just committing to being bad at sex as part of their routine and I've seen people go up there like, ‘I'm really awesome at sex, let me show you how awesome I am,'" he said. "You don't have to be beautiful, you don't have to be flexible, but you have to want it."
Trew said the key to being successful at air sex, much like with regular sex, is to not take yourself too seriously.
"We're not saying, ‘Hey get on stage and show us how you [bleep] in real life,'" he said. "We're saying get on stage and come up with a routine that could entertain a bunch of people that is all based around the same premise, having sex. It's almost like a sketch comedy show."
Anderson said her most successful routines were a byproduct of letting her guard down and her imagination run wild.
"Almost all of my routines have been inspired by things that I've always wanted to do," she said. "I did a routine where I had sex with two guys at one time. I've done the routine that won the national competition with two enormous dildos. I've done a routine where I'm tied up on stage. I've done everything that I think would be really fun in the bedroom. It's more freeing."
Matt Lindner is a RedEye special contributor.
Chicago Air Sex Championships
11 p.m. Friday at Abbey Pub (Doors open at 10 p.m.)
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