Cloud Atlas (movie)

'Jupiter Ascending' disintegrates on impact

'Jupiter Ascending' disintegrates on impact

Much funnier to discuss than to watch, "Jupiter Ascending" stars Channing Tatum's misguided goatee as a half-man/half-wolf bent on saving Jupiter (Mila Kunis), or "Joop" to her friends, from an evil space dictator (Eddie Redmayne) who "owns Earth" and whose voice apparently works only when hushed and emotionless or cranked to 11. Mix in other genetic splices that still pretty much look human (not including ElephantFace over there), a pathetically shoehorned-in love story and talking lizard henchmen who make me want to watch "Super Mario Brothers," and you should have the formula for unintentional hilarity.

Except this abysmal space opera,...