1. Why have Patrick Kane and Patrick Sharp struggled against L.A.?
Scott Bolohan: They're allergic to kale.
Jay St. Pierre: "'Cause they so cute!" Sorry folks, that was my co-worker's answer.
John Dooley: The Kings are pa-tricking the Hawks offense! Yeah. That's all I got.
Elliott Serrano: The same reason Kitty Pryde was able to send Wolverine back in time in the latest X-Men movie: there is none.
Stick Figure: Maybe they keep accidentally stealing each other's passes.
2. Now that Andrew Shaw is back with the Blackhawks ...
Scott Bolohan: ... they can start the conference finals.
Jay St. Pierre: ... Shaw needs to find a "shank" and get "redemption." See what I did there? "Shawshank Redemption"? Like the movie!
John Dooley: ... we can sit Bollig now! Oh. No. Wait.
Elliott Serrano: Seriously though, why make up powers for a character when Professor X could have done it?
Stick Figure: ... he can tell everyone where the Hawks offense is.
3. Who would pay $820 for Mark Sanchez's "butt fumble" jersey?
Scott Bolohan: Me. I love butts!
Jay St. Pierre: Mark Sanchez. He probably wants to cherish his only claim to fame.
John Dooley: Somebody with an asselent sense of humor.
Elliott Serrano: Sanchez? So he could burn it?
Stick Figure: Why was he wearing his jersey on his butt?
4. What will the World Cup be like without Landon Donovan?
Scott Bolohan: Sensual.
Jay St. Pierre: Wait ... "world cup" ... Is that some sort of sporting equipment?
John Dooley: Filled with rioting and vuvuzelas -- is it any other way?
Elliott Serrano: Like an X-Men movie without Wolverine! You assume it will be bad but it isn't.
Stick Figure: It probably have more hair. I wish I had more hair.
5. Make a prediction for the French Open.
Scott Bolohan: The winner is going to "love" it. Get it? Love is a tennis term.
Jay St. Pierre: Je ne parle pas fran├žais!
John Dooley: I have a hunch that a woman with a tough-to-pronounce eastern European last name will win!
Elliott Serrano: It will make more money than "Man of Steel," just like the X-Men movie.
Stick Figure: All the players are going to need new clothes. That clay is filthy.