The most riveting drama to come out of Wrigleyville this season--certainly more interesting than anything that's happened on the field--turned out to be a giant hoax.
No, a girl did not in fact get stuck in the hideous giant noodle across the street from Wrigley Field, despite what you may have heard. That's because even if you tried, you couldn't get all the way inside said noodle.
I know this because I went down and checked it out for myself.
It all started just after midnight on Sunday on Twitter. An account called Chicago Bars (@chicagobars) posted something about a girl getting stuck in the noodle. Throughout the wee hours of the morning, the account continued to post updates including the girl's name (Jessica Morales--more on that in a second), a picture of emergency responders at the noodle, and a mention that the fire department may need to use the Jaws of Life to get her out.
It was so ridiculous and yet so plausible all at the same time.
The noodle itself is a giant jungle gym. Wrigleyville on weekend nights is teeming with drunk people doing dumb things. As Rockit Burger Bar Executive Chef Amanda Downing explained it, "I know I retweeted it thinking I wasn't surprised to hear that something like that happened."
Turns out Jessica Morales is actually the same Baby Jessica who got trapped in a well 26 years ago. Chicago Bars would later admit it was a hoax, but throughout the day on Sunday, people were continuing to ask about "Noodle Girl."
Some questions need answers, so my buddy Ashvin Lad and I conducted our own investigation on Sunday morning. Would it even be possible for someone to get stuck in the noodle? Could there be a real life Baby Jessica situation in Wrigleyville involving an inebriated bar patron someday?
Um, no. Apparently we're not the only people who foresaw people wanting to climb inside said ridiculous looking noodle.
Ashvin climbed up on the noodle to take a look inside the opening and snapped a picture. The noodle's creators had the foresight to seal the noodle about 2 feet in, meaning while you could conceivably get inside of it, getting trapped would be physically impossible.
Of course, that's not to say because you couldn't get stuck that you should try. Falling 7 feet onto pavement hurts like hell regardless of how drunk you are.
Matt Lindner is a RedEye special contributorCopyright © 2015, RedEye