Tuesday marks a full week since New Cubs Savior Javier Baez was called up to the majors. Since then, there have been signs he'll be a Hall of Famer (three home runs, six RBIs through Sunday) and indications he'll be just another guy (12 strikeouts).
Usually one week is not a large enough sample size to accurately predict what the infielder will accomplish by the time he retires. However, we have a feeling Baez's career in Chicago will go one of six ways.
He could be … Ryne Sandberg
That power! As forecast by his two-homer game in his third game in the majors, Baez slugs 330 homers for his career, wins eight Silver Slugger awards and makes 11 All-Star appearances. For good measure, he holds weekly live televised drug tests to prove he's legit, all of which are shown at his Hall of Fame induction ceremony.
He could be … Ryan Theriot
Like the "Can't Quiet The Riot" T-shirts of the recent past, fans can't get enough "Feliz Javy-dad" apparel. Only half those shirts are burned publicly Cleveland Cavaliers fan-style when Baez leaves for rival Milwaukee as a free agent.
He could be … Bobby Hill
The "Baez Basher" cartoon series ("King of the Hill" joke, get it?) lasts two seasons on Netflix streaming, tracking the adventures of a mystery-solving ballplayer and his trusty "justice-seeking" bat, Sammy. Baez's career, meanwhile, fizzles when pitchers start throwing him nothing but sliders in the dirt. He unsuccessfully tries to resurrect his career after being traded to Arizona.
He could be … Mike Fontenot
"Listen, he tried really, really hard!" is about the best thing you can say when Baez is dealt to San Francisco for a player no one hears from after the transaction is complete. If only he had been taller/stronger/didn't lose his right big toe in that paintball accident, what a career he would have had.
He could be … Mark DeRosa
Although Baez never reaches legend status in Chicago, his better-than-average career yields a pair of monster years and helps the Cubs reach the playoffs two straight seasons. Unfortunately, they are unable to topple Oakland in either World Series, and the Jeff Samardzija Mullet Curse is born.
He could be … Neifi Perez
Who was that again?
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