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Scotty Brolohan's 69th (LOL) Annual Chicago Sports Turkeys

By Scotty Brolohan

For RedEye

2:07 PM CST, November 26, 2013

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Sup, Chitown? It's ya boy Scotty Brolohan. I know it's been mad long since you heard from me, but this has been my toughest senior year yet. George Orwell? More like George Borewell.

But my best bro at YOLOyola, J-Chap, was like, "Bro, it's the holidays" and I was like, "What?" because I was listening to Deadmau5 in my Beats like mad crazy loud. So I took off my Beats and he was like, "Bro, we don't have class tomorrow, T-Giving bro." And I was like, "Bro, what about Thirsty Thursday?" And he was like, "Bro, turkey."

That got me turnt up. I love T-Giving for the following reasons: 1. That one chick, PocaHOTnas. Get it? Because she was hot. 2. Wish bones. Wish bone? Always. 3. Turkey. Bro, I love turkey. No wonder they named a country after it. It's the ish.

In honor of T-Giving and the best food ever created (turkey, unless Natty Light counts as food?), here's a shoutout to my 2013 Sports Turkeys.

Derrick Brose

Bro, this one time I fell off a roof and broke my wrist. Sure, your story of just, like, running isn't nearly as cool, but I can relate to your pain. You will be my bro 4eva. Unless you, like, suck, then probably not.

That Bears Bro Who Ran Into That Pole While Trying To Win That Race

Bro, amateur athletics are mad serious. I box all the time outside bars. But sacrificing the dome? Much respect. That was epic.

Carlos Boozer

Boozer was my nickname in high school, and you are scoring ridic hoops this year. Much love.

Jay Cutler

Bro, so what you got hurt again. You are the swaggiest QB in Bears history. We need you back to win the Super Browl next year. Please don't go. :(

Anthony Rizzbro

You are the only reason to watch my Cubbies other than tank tops. Tell Starlin Castbro to get on that Leche del Musculo.

Kaner

Bro, remember that one time I puked on Lord Stanley's Cup this summer and you thought it was mad hilarious? Yeah, me too. You are my hero.

Peace.

Scotty Brolohan is a RedEye special contributor. @scottbolohan

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