Like most red-blooded American males over the age of 25, I think I’m way better at sports than I actually am. Delusions of grandeur can have you thinking you could TOTALLY throw an 80-yard bomb to a receiver on a post route.
Or in my case, you could take 10 penalty kicks against what some people are calling “the future of American goalkeeping.”
Sean Johnson, the starting keeper for the Fire, is already garnering his share of praise and hype by soccer fans, and it’s easy to see why. The guy is pretty damn good and has both the height (6-foot-3) and the international looks (both Manchester United and my favorite club Everton have given him tryouts and he's already made a few appearances for the U.S. national team) to make him one not to be [bleeped] with. After my initial challenge, I got the word from the team, made my way out to Toyota Park, laced up my cleats and went for it.
Nothing. Bupkus. Zilch.
I went 0-for-10, but one totally got close! Nah, I’m lying. Dude shut me down harder than the nerd gets rejected in a ‘90s teen sex comedy. Just goes to show you, while you may believe you’re still amazing, there’s always someone there to bring you back to Earth. If there’s a lesson to this, it’s the following: Know your strengths. Besides, I’ve always fancied myself as more of a defensive midfielder anyway.
Ernest Wilkins is Chicago’s Wingman.
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