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redeyechicago.com

Regulation

All these overtime games are putting us in a fragile emotional state.

6:50 PM CDT, July 19, 2012

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1. How will you recover from this Blackhawks-Blues series?
Sean Ely: Extensive therapy to cure my fear of overtime periods.
Pete McMurray: Vacation to either Colorado or Minnesota. 
Ernest Wilkins: By recording a diss track towards St. Louis. It's on sight for Nelly, Murphy Lee and that one dude with the mask!
Elliott Serrano: Defibrillation. Followed by whiskey.
Sarah Spain: With another heaping dose of stress in the next round! 
2. Jimmy Butler vs. Nene. Who ya got?
Sean Ely: That sounds like the title of a children's adventure novel where a boy named Jimmy battles a mystical creature named "Nene" and prevails.
Pete McMurray: Nene has nicer hair, but Jimmy Buckets is my man!
Ernest Wilkins: Never bet against a black man named Jimmy. Ever.
Elliott Serrano: Batman. You always win with Batman.
Sarah Spain: Can't beat the Butler. The Butler knows all. 
3. Why do the Wizards bother the Bulls so much?
Sean Ely: Half their roster has their names in the magical quill at Hogwarts. When you're magical, you're untouchable.
Pete McMurray: Ummm, their nickname is the WIZARDS. Hello? 
Ernest Wilkins: Dudes from DC are scary. Don't believe me? Google "Fat Trel."
Elliott Serrano: Joakim Noah is Nene's patronus.
Sarah Spain: Sorcery.
4. Who said this: "It's a lot of fun to win"?
Sean Ely: Every athlete after every game ever played in the history of time. He/she also probably used the phrase "One game at a time."
Pete McMurray: Anyone who's never played for the Chicago Cubs.
Ernest Wilkins: Sarah Spain after that ESPN segment the other day. That was AMAZING.
Elliott Serrano: No Cubs fan ever.
Sarah Spain: Well it definitely wasn't the Cubs ...
5. Jose Abreu is having such a big April ...
Sean Ely: ... that he's thinking to himself, "I might be able to someday play for a World Series team and get out of here!"
Pete McMurray: ... because of Cuban cigars and Gloria Estefan CDs.
Ernest Wilkins: That I'm already claiming to be his biggest fan. Abreu AllDayYou!
Elliott Serrano: ... he's gonna name his baseball bat "Wonderboy." (3 out of 5 geeky references. Not bad, eh?)
Sarah Spain: Any day now a local sportswriter will cry steroids.