1. Why can't the Blackhawks pull away from Anaheim in the standings?
|Shaun Davis: Just creating a buildup to a playoff rival like San Jose in 2010. #sweepthem2|
|Julie DiCaro: Disney ducks don't wear pants. Hence, they are faster than other ducks.|
|Soxman: Anaheim has its ducks in a row but the Blackhawks will expose their quacks soon enough.|
|Brad Zibung: Insert Emilio Estevez joke here even though they're not called the Mighty Ducks anymore.|
|Ernest Wilkins: Better question: Why do hockey sweaters cost over $100?|
2. Derrick Rose expects to be more dangerous from 3-point range upon returning. Discuss.
|Shaun Davis: "Man this Uncle Drew character is stealing my shine. I'm MVP, but I want that 3-point trophy."|
|Julie DiCaro: He's not dangerous at all from his couch.|
|Soxman: Being more like Bird is better than flipping one at the thought of returning this year.|
|Brad Zibung: I'm hoping Rose never comes back so we can just keep speculating about how awesome it'll be when he does.|
|Ernest Wilkins: Can we just get to the "returning" part already?|
3. Be honest: How many times have you reconfigured your NCAA bracket already?
|Shaun Davis: Not much, but everybody lies and verbally changes picks after the games are played.|
|Julie DiCaro: Twelve, but they all end with the Hoosiers as the national champs, baby!|
|Soxman: It's already such a mess Viagra couldn't even straighten it out.|
|Brad Zibung: I thought I had it nailed and then I realized I was filling out one from 1993. If only Chris Webber didn't call that last timeout.|
|Ernest Wilkins: I haven't. Just ask yourself, "What would Project Pat do?" The answer will come.|
4. What does Simeon's Jabari Parker get for being named national player of the year?
|Shaun Davis: The Harley Race crown and scepter, plus Chicago has had one Wiggins enough.|
|Julie DiCaro: The honor of having Duke's mascot, Dickie V, drool all over him.|
|Soxman: A lifetime exemption from me using Jar-Jarbari Binks plays on his name in Fives.|
|Brad Zibung: A one-year trip to Durham, N.C.|
|Ernest Wilkins: A one-way trip to the smug virgin factory that is Duke University. My condolences.|
5. Tiger Woods dating Lindsey Vonn is like ...
|Shaun Davis: Like one of Tiger's putts -- a pause for effect, and the ball might drop in the hole. #sametigerreaction|
|Julie DiCaro: (Jay Cutler voice) Dooooon't caaaaare.|
|Soxman: ... getting a hole in one with a ski pole. It's all downhill from there.|
|Brad Zibung: ... a good idea for two people trying to find love even though everyone knows it'll eventually end very badly.|
|Ernest Wilkins: ... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. No one should care about this. In related news, I'm dating Elena Hight.|