1. What are you getting Wrigley Field for its 100th birthday?
|Tracy Swartz: I have more Trestman, errrr, trust, man.|
|Julie DiCaro: A goat to roast on a spit on the pitcher's mound.|
|Soxman: Viagra. At 100 years old there's no telling how much longer it will be erect.|
|Elise De Los Santos: A new home team.|
|Ernest Wilkins: An industrial-sized version of one of those car air fresheners. Gotta get that stink out.|
2. If Joakim Noah's defensive player of the year award could talk, what would it say?
|Tracy Swartz: It's all in the conditioning.|
|Julie DiCaro: "This is not a good defensive stance."|
|Soxman: "Derrick who?"|
|Elise De Los Santos: It would sing: "Noah, Noah, Noah will get in your face and get triple-doubles too. Oh, oh, oh, oh."|
|Ernest Wilkins: It would just sound like Mutombo saying "NO NO NOOOOO."|
3. When Duncan Keith says he's an "emotional guy," he means ...
|Tracy Swartz: ... he has a wakey-breaky heart.|
|Julie DiCaro: ... he's emotional about Brent Seabrook.|
|Soxman: ... it doesn't take much for his intensity to "wakey wakey."|
|Elise De Los Santos: ... he cried when he watched "The Notebook."|
|Ernest Wilkins: According to the mayor of Atlanta, Young Jeezy, it means he hugs the block AND loves his Glock.|
4. What's so special about Kobe Bryant's new training regimen?
|Tracy Swartz: Weight bench versus wait-on-the-bench.|
|Julie DiCaro: It's sponsored by Nike?|
|Soxman: Any regimen that starts with a European vacation is pretty darn special to me.|
|Elise De Los Santos: 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and get them situps right and tuck your tummy tight and do your crunches like this.|
|Ernest Wilkins: Kobe so brittle, he's basically training in one of those exoskeletons from "Aliens" at this point.|
5. If Steve Kerr takes over as coach of the Knicks ...
|Tracy Swartz: ... Spike Lee will Kerr-se just as much.|
|Julie DiCaro: ... it's only a matter of time before Toni Kukoc is hired as well.|
|Soxman: ... all of his instruction will be given in three points.|
|Elise De Los Santos: ... it will be awfully Kerr-ageous of him.|
|Ernest Wilkins: ... then they're going to get a LOT better. Still won't play a lick of defense though.|