1. What are you getting Wrigley Field for its 100th birthday?
Tracy Swartz: I have more Trestman, errrr, trust, man.
Julie DiCaro: A goat to roast on a spit on the pitcher's mound.
Soxman: Viagra. At 100 years old there's no telling how much longer it will be erect.
Elise De Los Santos: A new home team.
Ernest Wilkins: An industrial-sized version of one of those car air fresheners. Gotta get that stink out.
2. If Joakim Noah's defensive player of the year award could talk, what would it say?
Tracy Swartz: It's all in the conditioning.
Julie DiCaro: "This is not a good defensive stance."
Soxman: "Derrick who?"
Elise De Los Santos: It would sing: "Noah, Noah, Noah will get in your face and get triple-doubles too. Oh, oh, oh, oh."
Ernest Wilkins: It would just sound like Mutombo saying "NO NO NOOOOO."
3. When Duncan Keith says he's an "emotional guy," he means ...
Tracy Swartz: ... he has a wakey-breaky heart.
Julie DiCaro: ... he's emotional about Brent Seabrook.
Soxman: ... it doesn't take much for his intensity to "wakey wakey."
Elise De Los Santos: ... he cried when he watched "The Notebook."
Ernest Wilkins: According to the mayor of Atlanta, Young Jeezy, it means he hugs the block AND loves his Glock.
4. What's so special about Kobe Bryant's new training regimen?
Tracy Swartz: Weight bench versus wait-on-the-bench.
Julie DiCaro: It's sponsored by Nike?
Soxman: Any regimen that starts with a European vacation is pretty darn special to me.
Elise De Los Santos: 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and get them situps right and tuck your tummy tight and do your crunches like this.
Ernest Wilkins: Kobe so brittle, he's basically training in one of those exoskeletons from "Aliens" at this point.
5. If Steve Kerr takes over as coach of the Knicks ...
Tracy Swartz: ... Spike Lee will Kerr-se just as much.
Julie DiCaro: ... it's only a matter of time before Toni Kukoc is hired as well.
Soxman: ... all of his instruction will be given in three points.
Elise De Los Santos: ... it will be awfully Kerr-ageous of him.
Ernest Wilkins: ... then they're going to get a LOT better. Still won't play a lick of defense though.