Be careful where you put pine tar, folks. It's a you-know-what to clean up. Or so we've heard.
1. What's in store for the Hawks in the next round of the playoffs?
|Clark Jones: I expect them to be riding HIGH after they smoke Colorado in the next series.|
|Aly Bockler: Coach Q's crotch-grab message was well-received, so let's step it up with a mooning.|
|Scott Bolohan: Lighting fixtures. The store was Restoration Hardware.|
|John Dooley: Angry Patrick Roy Face.|
|Angi Taylor: Another winning series and scratchy playoff beards.|
2. The Bulls are so desperate to win Game 5 ...
|Clark Jones: ... Michael Jordan is getting random text messages that read "still got it?"|
|Aly Bockler: ... they are even putting pine tar on their necks?!|
|Scott Bolohan: ... Derrick Rose just blew out his knee thinking about returning.|
|John Dooley: ... they'll sell their soul for a win.|
|Angi Taylor: ... D-Rose will be the first wheelchair starter for the Bulls.|
3. If a 49ers fan can sue the NFL for $50 million, what can Bears fans do?
|Clark Jones: At least write a letter to the McCaskeys to bring back cheerleaders.|
|Aly Bockler Sue the park district for that crab grass of a football field.|
|Scott Bolohan: Drink.|
|John Dooley: Sue the Bears for criminal neglect for letting us watch crappy QBs for 70 years.|
|Angi Taylor: Sue Jay Cutler for his inability to crack a smile.|
4. How important are the White Sox's games against Detroit this week?
|Clark Jones: About as important as Shakira's opinion on "The Voice."|
|Aly Bockler: Uh, first-place important! Cabrera vs. Abreu in a good old-fashioned slugfest!|
|Scott Bolohan: About as important as the other 90 times they play.|
|John Dooley: It's important for us so we can get the annual Fake White Sox Hope back.|
|Angi Taylor: Very. Rumor is that if they don't win the series, they'll be forced to live in Detroit as punishment.|
5. What's the secret to Jason Hammel's great start for the Cubs?
|Clark Jones: Shhhhh, nobody tell him he's playing for the Cubs.|
|Aly Bockler: A locker full of 100th anniversary slices from Buddy "the Cake Boss" Valastro.|
|Scott Bolohan: The new way Hammel toes the rubber.|
|John Dooely He pretends he's wearing Yankees jersey.|
|Angi Taylor: That sweet goatee of his. P.S. ... chicks LOVE goatees. *sarcasm*|
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