1. Jose Abreu's home run binge continues. What's his secret?
Alex Quigley: Corked bat and steroids. Wait, that was everybody else.
Evan F. Moore: Being free of the restrictions of the American baseball culture.
Phil Thompson: Don't have a clue, but let's ask his new bat boy, Sammy Sosa.
Jimmy Greenfield: Years ago, in a land far, far away, he practiced very hard at hitting a baseball.
Bag Boy: I think someone is secretly sending him Cuban sandwiches from home, commonly known as a "mixto."
2. What does the NFL have against Roman numerals all of the sudden?
Alex Quigley: Pre-emptive strike against Liv Tyler stealing the spotlight during Super Bowl 54.
Evan F. Moore: If the NFL can't make bank off of it, they don't want it.
Phil Thompson: VVho knovvs.
Jimmy Greenfield: "Sesame Street" threatened a lawsuit if there was a Super Bowl brought to you by the letter "L."
Bag Boy: The Roman numeral for 50 is L. So it's like you're buying a loser's shirt. Better to go with digits. Good call. More exciting.
3. Which award will Joakim Noah win next?
Alex Quigley: A share of the Larry O'Brien. YOU HEARD ME.
Evan F. Moore: Chicagoan of the Year.
Phil Thompson: The Derrick Rose Face of the Franchise Award. Oh, wait, he's already won that.
Jimmy Greenfield: He'll accidentally receive a best actress award from the Erotic Film Oscars for best girl-girl scene.
Bag Boy: The "non-tampering tamperer's MVP Award" for getting Carmelo Anthony to sign with the Bulls.
4. What will be different about the Cubs when their radio broadcasts move to WBBM?
Alex Quigley: [comment deleted]
Evan F. Moore: The culture. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be taken seriously.
Phil Thompson: Instead of seventh-inning stretches, they'll have traffic and weather on the 8s.
Jimmy Greenfield: Instead of being on the World's Greatest Newspaper, they'll be on Where Base Ball Matters. OK, that didn't work.
Bag Boy: I don't know, but here's a new slogan for WBBM: "Traffic, weather and Cubs losses on the 8s!"
5. If California Chrome wins the Belmont to complete the Triple Crown ...
Alex Quigley: ... I'll be shocked. That extra quarter mile won't be kind to CC.
Evan F. Moore: ... we can all go back to doing what we were doing before.
Phil Thompson: ... then his next stops will be Fillydelphia and Mare-land. Rawr.
Jimmy Greenfield: ... he still will be working in animal-like conditions.
Bag Boy: ... he'll be the most important horse out of California since Seabiscuit.