1. Make a sports prediction for March.
Sean Ely: Michigan State gets its freakin' act together and wins the Big Ten tournament in Indianapolis.
Pete McMurray: The Cubs will go undefeated in the regular season in March! Well, as long as they beat the Pirates on March 31. Go Cubbies?
Ernest Wilkins: Wichita State wins the NCAA title! They're gonna SHOCK the world! *falls through wall*
Elliott Serrano: "Crocodile Dundee 3" will begin filming on the back nine.
Sarah Spain: I will never be colder at a sporting event this month than I was at Soldier Field on March 1.
2. Snow is to hockey as ...
Sean Ely: ... Sidney Crosby is to crying like a whiny little bit -- er, baby.
Pete McMurray: ... long lines are to Soldier Field bathrooms. I think my bathroom line started in Schaumburg! I'm still waiting to take a leak, people!
Ernest Wilkins: ... Chicago is to the WWE: a perfect fit.
Elliott Serrano: ... ice is to vodka. I was as chilled as a martini!
Sarah Spain: ... a great high-heeled shoe is to a night out. Looks fantastic, stings a little.
3.What was U.S. Cellular Field thinking during the Hawks game at Soldier Field?
Sean Ely: "Oh boy, this is just like high school gym class all over again."
Pete McMurray: "Those angry people could be peeing in OUR garbage cans next year. Good times. Don't eat the asparagus, please!"
Ernest Wilkins: "I'm sure happy we didn't have a bunch of drunk goons in OUR ... wait, never mind."
Elliott Serrano: "We're gonna need to stock up on hand warmers!"
Sarah Spain: "I can see it now ... ME ... FULL! Get the Hawks to play here and it could finally happen!"
4. Welcome Jimmer Fredette to the Bulls.
Sean Ely: Here in Chicago, we have a 3-point line. Please start utilizing it, because no one else here even remotely does. Go bonkers!
Pete McMurray: Jimmer, there was a great player named D-Rose long ago. *sniff* He was so good when he played those three games. So good.
Ernest Wilkins: Hey Jimmer! If we can trade for J.J. Redick, the Bulls can have the all-time awkward white college player team!
Elliott Serrano: Welcome, and did you remember to bring ear muffs?
Sarah Spain: Hey Jimmy. Uh, Jimmo. Er, Jimmer. Yeah, a lot of us aren't gonna get that right.
5. What's the Desert Diamond Cup?
Sean Ely: A container you can drink mass amounts of alcohol out of at Punch House in Pilsen? Shoutout to Best Bartender Carlos Matias III.
Pete McMurray: Something my college health center gave me after an encounter with Lisa Lawless at the Lucky Lady. YIKES!
Ernest Wilkins: A weird car race? A corporate golf thing sponsored by some kind of impotence pill?
Elliott Serrano: The place where I wish to place my frozen feet in since it sounds sooooooo warm.
Sarah Spain: The container I'll be drinking out of all week at spring training in Arizona. Peace out, Chiberia!