MetLife Stadium

You can't tailgate at MetLife Stadium for the Super Bowl. So here's how you can party like a real New Yorker for the big game. (Getty Images / January 28, 2014)

Hey, it's me, your one friend who moved to New York City, you know, to pursue acting/art/music.

Things are going great. This week "Blue Bloods" filmed in the restaurant where I wait tables. And I'm pretty sure I saw Dennis Quaid on the street yesterday. Only in New York!

But I have to admit I miss Chicago. You don't put your garbage on the sidewalks. So quaint!

As you know, the Super Bowl is coming to New York this year and we are mildly excited. And by "New York" I mean New Jersey, which is like our Milwaukee. And not even somewhere I've been like Hoboken or Newark Airport. Since I don't hang out with any bridge and tunnel people, I don't have any idea how to get to the game. I think you need a car, and who has one of those?

Thankfully even the Super Bowl realized how much Jersey sucks and won't let you tailgate outside the stadium. But as a New Yorker, I can give you all the tips you need to know about partying for the Super Bowl.

There are going to be a bunch of parties around the city put on by all sorts of corporations. Diddy will be there. You won't get in.

Assuming you are staying in Times Square—or what you know as "The Only Part of New York I've Ever Seen," or what we call "The Worst Place in The World"—there are bars where you can watch the game around there. Midtown bars are great if you like soulless places full of people speaking Dutch and $10 beers. You might get in.

You could come out to Brooklyn, where everyone you know lives. In Crown Heights where I live, one of the guys who mugged me once is throwing a sweet warehouse party. You won't get in unless you know Lena Dunham. She's the best! Probably.

You know a guy who knows a guy who is having an amazing loft party in TriBeCa. Everyone does. You won't get in.

Or you could do what every Real New Yorker does every day and stay at work until 10 p.m., order in Seamless, sit in your apartment the size of a Wrigley Field suite and smile, knowing you are living the dream.

Your New York Friend is a RedEye special contributor. @scottbolohan

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