1. Sum up the Blackhawks' regular season in five words or fewer.
|Alex Quigley: Shortest offseason ever? No problem.|
|Evan F. Moore: First-round opponent, Colorado Avalanche.|
|Phil Thompson: Should've signed up for Obamacare.|
|Jimmy Greenfield: Toews and Kaner are alive.|
|Bag Boy: Exhilarating, injury-riddled, and definitely engaging when one factors in the Sochi Olympics and their geopolitical impact. How many was that?|
2. The Cubs' first series of the season against rival St. Louis is ...
|Alex Quigley: ... a great time to warm up your St. Louis heckling for the Hawks-Blues series.|
|Evan F. Moore: ... as intense as a highly competitive game of Uno.|
|Phil Thompson: ... pointless to talk about right now. Wait until it means something ... like 2016.|
|Jimmy Greenfield: ... a big series for the Cardinals, exhibition games for the Cubs.|
|Bag Boy: The better-run, more talent-filled organization will prevail as always. Sorry Cubs.|
3. Who's your favorite to win the Masters?
|Alex Quigley: I'm gonna cheat and say Jonas Blixt.|
|Evan F. Moore: Some guy we'll need a nametag to recognize.|
|Phil Thompson: Miguel Angel Jimenez, just because golf people love calling Spanish golfers "The Spaniard."|
|Jimmy Greenfield: Harry Vardon, but that young whippersnapper Francis Ouimet could put a scare in him.|
|Bag Boy: Phil Mickelson.|
4. Rate your level of excitement for the Bears' preseason schedule.
|Alex Quigley: Honestly, the third game in Seattle will actually kinda sorta matter. Huge test.|
|Evan F. Moore: Look at my face. I'm ready to bust out of this page because I'm so excited.|
|Phil Thompson: Premature exhilaration ... which I swear has never happened before.|
|Jimmy Greenfield: Just above watching soccer, just below the unveiling of the Betty White centerfold.|
|Bag Boy: On a scale of 1-10, 2.|
5. When will the Fire record their first win of the season?
|Alex Quigley: Against Montreal. They're terrible. ACTUAL SOCCER ANALYSIS.|
|Evan F. Moore: As soon as we stop caring.|
|Phil Thompson: I know they keep tying teams, but maybe their coach isn't running enough drills. Get it? Fire drills? Whatever.|
|Jimmy Greenfield: On advice of counsel I decline to make another "soccer sucks" joke.|
|Bag Boy: I didn't know the season started! Next Wednesday, then.|