1. How is a Cubs-Sox night game different from a day game in this rivalry?
|Phil Thompson: Smartphones make the Cubs fans look like they're doing Conan's "In The Year 2000" skit.|
|Scott Bolohan: Starlin Castro sorta tries in night games.|
|Clark Jones: Safer commute home for Sox fans at Wrigley. All six of 'em already live on the North Side.|
|John Dooley: Night games bring you closer to sleeping—and forgetting about how bad the Cubs played.|
|Angi Taylor: There is no difference. The d-bags still wear their sunglasses at night.|
2. Why are Cubs fans booing Alfonso Soriano THIS time?
|Phil Thompson: He was named to the all-city team until Cubs fans realized they misheard the word "city."|
|Scott Bolohan: They're not booing, they're saying "Marbury v. Madison established judicial revieeeeeeew."|
|Clark Jones: He tweeted the ending to "Fifty Shades of Grey."|
|John Dooley: Why did Kelly and Dylan never stick it through on "90210"? Questions unanswered.|
|Angi Taylor: Because on the back of his jersey it STILL says Soriano.|
3. Why is Carlos Marmol closing for the Cubs again?
|Phil Thompson: The king of the wild pitches? Well, if you can't beat 'em, groin 'em.|
|Scott Bolohan: Theo's stats show walks are an undervalued commodity.|
|Clark Jones: Closers come in to finish the game for a team win, so, he don't know either.|
|John Dooley: Why lose 100 games when you can lose 112?!|
|Angi Taylor: Because Kerry Wood smartened up and retired.|
4. What will Jake Peavy and Chris Sale do with their extra rest this week?
|Phil Thompson: What am I, their concierge?|
|Scott Bolohan: "Girls" marathon.|
|Clark Jones: Hopefully not bath salts.|
|John Dooley: Doing extra research on the Greek/EU fiscal rehab. What else would they be doing?|
|Angi Taylor: Who?|
5. What would you do if you won the BP Crosstown Cup?
|Phil Thompson: I can't tell you because it would be crude.|
|Scott Bolohan: Demand a trade.|
|Clark Jones: "Borrow" some BP gas and ride back crosstown to the South Side.|
|John Dooley: Fill with BP gas, pour on eyes, light on fire. My eyes = No more Marmol.|
|Angi Taylor:Put my drank in my cup and get crunk!|