1. How is a Cubs-Sox night game different from a day game in this rivalry?
Phil Thompson: Smartphones make the Cubs fans look like they're doing Conan's "In The Year 2000" skit.
Scott Bolohan: Starlin Castro sorta tries in night games.
Clark Jones: Safer commute home for Sox fans at Wrigley. All six of 'em already live on the North Side.
John Dooley: Night games bring you closer to sleeping—and forgetting about how bad the Cubs played.
Angi Taylor: There is no difference. The d-bags still wear their sunglasses at night.
2. Why are Cubs fans booing Alfonso Soriano THIS time?
Phil Thompson: He was named to the all-city team until Cubs fans realized they misheard the word "city."
Scott Bolohan: They're not booing, they're saying "Marbury v. Madison established judicial revieeeeeeew."
Clark Jones: He tweeted the ending to "Fifty Shades of Grey."
John Dooley: Why did Kelly and Dylan never stick it through on "90210"? Questions unanswered.
Angi Taylor: Because on the back of his jersey it STILL says Soriano.
3. Why is Carlos Marmol closing for the Cubs again?
Phil Thompson: The king of the wild pitches? Well, if you can't beat 'em, groin 'em.
Scott Bolohan: Theo's stats show walks are an undervalued commodity.
Clark Jones: Closers come in to finish the game for a team win, so, he don't know either.
John Dooley: Why lose 100 games when you can lose 112?!
Angi Taylor: Because Kerry Wood smartened up and retired.
4. What will Jake Peavy and Chris Sale do with their extra rest this week?
Phil Thompson: What am I, their concierge?
Scott Bolohan: "Girls" marathon.
Clark Jones: Hopefully not bath salts.
John Dooley: Doing extra research on the Greek/EU fiscal rehab. What else would they be doing?
Angi Taylor: Who?
5. What would you do if you won the BP Crosstown Cup?
Phil Thompson: I can't tell you because it would be crude.
Scott Bolohan: Demand a trade.
Clark Jones: "Borrow" some BP gas and ride back crosstown to the South Side.
John Dooley: Fill with BP gas, pour on eyes, light on fire. My eyes = No more Marmol.
Angi Taylor:Put my drank in my cup and get crunk!