1. Rate Brandon Marshall's performance against the Colts on Sunday.
Mick Swasko: Sponge worthy.
Scott Bolohan: PG-13.
Clark Jones: I give it nine "Snooki faces," one for every ball he caught.
John Dooley: If Bears receivers are rated based on franchise performance from 1-100, then he rated a 1,638 out of 100.
Angi Taylor: I would give him a "B" for "Broncos," because he looked like the old Brandon -- which is really an A+.
2. What's Matt Forte thinking when Michael Bush scores from near the goal line?
Mick Swasko: "That was fine, I guess. Needed more spin moves."
Scott Bolohan: "Why are touchdowns worth six points? That's silly!"
Clark Jones: "Damn, they paying me to leave early? Sweet!"
John Dooley: Bush getting credit for accomplishing the goal rather than the person working for it? HE DIDN'T BUILD THAT SCORE!
Angi Taylor: Nothing. He's too busy counting his money.
3. Give us a nickname for the Bears offense.
Mick Swasko: Gangnam Style Offense. It's exploding now, but you're worried it's a one-hit wonder.
Scott Bolohan: The Dream Team Against the Colts.
Clark Jones: The Lakeshore Let's Stay Healthies!
John Dooley: The Anti-Krenzels of the Midway.
Angi Taylor: Fiddy-Fiddy (50 percent run, 50 percent pass).
4. How can you tell it's Packers week in Chicago?
Mick Swasko: Your one Packers fan friend is wearing gear all week, just to be an ass.
Scott Bolohan: People are still hopeful about the season.
Clark Jones: It smells like limburger off I-90, and the jokes are cheesier. OK, I'll stop.
John Dooley: Replica cannons at memorial parks in Chicago mysteriously rotate to point at Kenosha.
Angi Taylor: Oh thaaaaaat's what I'm smelling!
5. If the White Sox can't draw fans to the Detroit series ...
Mick Swasko: ... they'll just stockpile the fireworks for October.
Scott Bolohan: ... they should trade their good players for ivy.
Clark Jones: ... it might give the Tigers an advantage -- most of the buildings in Detroit are empty as well.
John Dooley: ... they should punish Sox fans by banning scratch-offs, Marlboro Reds and lawn furniture throughout Chicago.
Angi Taylor: ... I would suggest Alex Rios starts playing naked. I know every female in Chicago will go!
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