1. Make a sports prediction for August.
|Matt Lindner: Cubs players hit more seagulls than singles.|
|Chris Sosa: Patrick Kane hires Joakim Noah as his designated driver.|
|Soxman: With all the post-trade hugging in the Cubs dugout, a Free Hugs T-shirt promo is imminent.|
|Ernest Wilkins: Falling asleep on the couch to Bears preseason games, y'all!|
|Brad Zibung: The Cubs will keep winning even though the only players they have left are Rizzo and Castro.|
2. Congratulate Lake Forest's Matt Grevers on his backstroke gold medal.
|Matt Lindner: "Way to go! Now buy an Applebee's so you have a place to hang it alongside your varsity letter jacket."|
|Chris Sosa: "That's pretty cool. Only a bazillion more before you catch Michael Phelps!"|
|Soxman: "Congratulations! You've shown the Cubs it's possible to win while being laid out on your back."|
|Ernest Wilkins: "Congrats! Sorry about that whole living in Lake Forest thing." *Ernest immediately gets lifetime ban*|
|Brad Zibung: "Way to go! Hopefully kids won't follow in your footsteps so passionately they fail to get straight A's anymore."|
3. Why are the Sox giving Chris Sale extra rest?
|Matt Lindner: Based on Prior experience in this city, that move Wood make sense (sorry, Cubs fans).|
|Chris Sosa: Probably so he can grab a bite to eat. Dude needs to gain a few pounds, no?|
|Soxman: So he's at full strength when playoff tickets go on Sale.|
|Ernest Wilkins: Wait, I forgot my answer! Had a good joke here, too. Damn. Uh, YOLO?|
|Brad Zibung: The Sox can spare Sale because they just got Francisco Liriano and his 5-plus ERA. They're all good now.|
4. What is the biggest advantage to Nate Robinson joining the Bulls?
|Matt Lindner: Finally! Short people in this town have a pro basketball player they can relate to!|
|Chris Sosa: Well he's Kryptonite, so Chicago is now impervious to Dwight Howard's hot air.|
|Soxman: ESPN's beat writer has someone to replace JL3 as the only person shorter than he is in the locker room.|
|Ernest Wilkins: We can sneak Too Short songs into the playlist at the UC. BLOW THE WHISTLE!|
|Brad Zibung:Because he's planning to vacation there and he's bringing his ego with him.|
5. Running shirtless in the rain at training camp is like ...
|Matt Lindner: ... singing "Call Me Maybe" out loud on a crowded train. So wrong and yet it feels so right.|
|Chris Sosa: ... an insult to "Property of (insert NFL team here)" shirts everywhere.|
|Soxman: ... Tebowing at an atheist convention. No matter what he does, people still won't believe.|
|Ernest Wilkins: For me, it's like running shirtless at any point: Kinda gross, yet kind of arousing.|
|Brad Zibung: ... giving the New York media their holiday presents five months early.|