1. Make a prediction for the Bears' season.
|Georgia Garvey: Jay Cutler will have a sour look on his face at some point.|
|Tracy Swartz: Colt Truth: Chicago will not become The Indy City this weekend.|
|Alex Quigley: In an upset that no one sees coming, Cap Boso leads the league in catches.|
|Jimmy Greenfield: The Bears' season will soon meet a tall dark stranger and they will raise 53 beautiful children.|
|Bag Boy: Looks like 11-5. Feels like 11-5. Smells like 11-5. Please watch out for 7-9!|
2. The Bears are the eighth most valuable NFL franchise. How can they improve that?
|Georgia Garvey: Move to New York?|
|Tracy Swartz: When you finish 8-8, No. 8 makes cents.|
|Alex Quigley: Toss garbage on the front lawns of the top seven?|
|Jimmy Greenfield: Whack the first seven franchises. I know a guy who knows a guy. Call me.|
|Bag Boy: By selling to themselves to a Russian oil billionaire. That's where the real money is.|
3. How excited are you for the Bears' season opener?
|Georgia Garvey: On a scale of "Ron Swanson" to "Tom Cruise," I'd say I'm at "Honey Boo Boo."|
|Tracy Swartz: Meh, I'll be in New Orleans at the Saints game. *Gulf clap*|
|Alex Quigley: The Bears are my Week 1 suicide pool pick, so I am technically on suicide watch.|
|Jimmy Greenfield: My nipples' nipples' nipples are erect. (For those scoring at home, that's three nipples.)|
|Bag Boy: On a scale of 1 to 100? A rock solid 76.|
4. How did Lovie Smith go about losing 29 pounds?
|Georgia Garvey: I bet Martz's offensive playbook was pretty heavy.|
|Tracy Swartz: It was all water weight from last season: Tears.|
|Alex Quigley: He stopped eating during coach's challenge timeouts.|
|Jimmy Greenfield: He finally pulled Jerry Angelo's head out of his ass.|
|Bag Boy: He sat down and thought about the offensive line. And then couldn't sleep or eat.|
5. Andrew Luck is to the Indianapolis Colts as ...
|Georgia Garvey: ... Bible-verse eye black is to Tim Tebow.|
|Tracy Swartz: ... Urban Meyer is to the Ohio State Buckeyes. How did you get that Luck?|
|Alex Quigley: ... bourbon is to Jimmy's liver. Costly yet so, so worth it.|
|Jimmy Greenfield: ... my golf clubs are to my golf game.|
|Bag Boy: ... Peyton Manning was to the Indianapolis Colts.|