1. Make a prediction for the Bears' season.
Georgia Garvey: Jay Cutler will have a sour look on his face at some point.
Tracy Swartz: Colt Truth: Chicago will not become The Indy City this weekend.
Alex Quigley: In an upset that no one sees coming, Cap Boso leads the league in catches.
Jimmy Greenfield: The Bears' season will soon meet a tall dark stranger and they will raise 53 beautiful children.
Bag Boy: Looks like 11-5. Feels like 11-5. Smells like 11-5. Please watch out for 7-9!
2. The Bears are the eighth most valuable NFL franchise. How can they improve that?
Georgia Garvey: Move to New York?
Tracy Swartz: When you finish 8-8, No. 8 makes cents.
Alex Quigley: Toss garbage on the front lawns of the top seven?
Jimmy Greenfield: Whack the first seven franchises. I know a guy who knows a guy. Call me.
Bag Boy: By selling to themselves to a Russian oil billionaire. That's where the real money is.
3. How excited are you for the Bears' season opener?
Georgia Garvey: On a scale of "Ron Swanson" to "Tom Cruise," I'd say I'm at "Honey Boo Boo."
Tracy Swartz: Meh, I'll be in New Orleans at the Saints game. *Gulf clap*
Alex Quigley: The Bears are my Week 1 suicide pool pick, so I am technically on suicide watch.
Jimmy Greenfield: My nipples' nipples' nipples are erect. (For those scoring at home, that's three nipples.)
Bag Boy: On a scale of 1 to 100? A rock solid 76.
4. How did Lovie Smith go about losing 29 pounds?
Georgia Garvey: I bet Martz's offensive playbook was pretty heavy.
Tracy Swartz: It was all water weight from last season: Tears.
Alex Quigley: He stopped eating during coach's challenge timeouts.
Jimmy Greenfield: He finally pulled Jerry Angelo's head out of his ass.
Bag Boy: He sat down and thought about the offensive line. And then couldn't sleep or eat.
5. Andrew Luck is to the Indianapolis Colts as ...
Georgia Garvey: ... Bible-verse eye black is to Tim Tebow.
Tracy Swartz: ... Urban Meyer is to the Ohio State Buckeyes. How did you get that Luck?
Alex Quigley: ... bourbon is to Jimmy's liver. Costly yet so, so worth it.
Jimmy Greenfield: ... my golf clubs are to my golf game.
Bag Boy: ... Peyton Manning was to the Indianapolis Colts.