1. Why is the United States so good at track and field?
|Leo Ebersole: The real question is, how are we not better at the beating-people-up sports? Where's our national sadism?|
|Jim Walsh: Contrary to popular belief, these colors DO run.|
|Ernest Wilkins: We've been running things so long, it's just a habit at this point. #CasualNationalism|
|Elliott Serrano: For starters, Americans figured out how to do the Kessel Run in under 12 parsecs. Geeks rule!|
|Sarah Spain: Years of practice on Nintendo.|
2. What will you miss most about the Olympics?
|Leo Ebersole: Without a doubt, the opportunity to drop "clean and jerk" into a lazy joke.|
|Jim Walsh: Tie: Race walking and rhythmic gymnastics.|
|Ernest Wilkins: Women's fencing and people making annoying memes out of it all (last one is a lie).|
|Elliott Serrano: Spoilers on Twitter ... not!|
|Sarah Spain: People getting excited about and respecting female athletes!|
3. What did you learn from the Bears' 31-3 loss to Denver?
|Leo Ebersole: To beat Peyton Manning, you have to aim higher. Like, third-vertebrae higher.|
|Jim Walsh: We've got some work to do.|
|Ernest Wilkins: That people need to stop acting like preseason NFL means anything. Calm down!|
|Elliott Serrano: They suck without Jay Cutler, Brandon Marshall, Brian Urlacher and Julius Peppers playing. Duh.|
|Sarah Spain: The Manning Face is just as laughable in Broncos blue and orange.|
4. How will the Dwight Howard trade change the NBA?
|Leo Ebersole: For one thing—and sorry to spoil the ending¿we're going to find out that the Lakers' GM is Keyser Soze.|
|Jim Walsh: Get ready for some Super Team showdowns.|
|Ernest Wilkins: Look. Isn't this the kind of super-trade that led to the lockout? What the hell, man?|
|Elliott Serrano: GMs will institute a new "you got what you wanted so quit whining already" clause in future contracts.|
|Sarah Spain: I'll start reading and caring about it again now that the Howard rumor mill has come to a stop.|
5. What does Doc Rivers mean when he says Tom Thibodeau deserves an "elite" extension?
|Leo Ebersole: A free polish, fried onions included, whenever he wants one, no questions asked.|
|Jim Walsh: Pay him. Pay that man his money. *In John Malkovich's "Rounders" voice*|
|Ernest Wilkins: SHOW HIM THE MONEY. Now, can someone come over and clean my crib?|
|Elliott Serrano: He must have been talking about hair extensions.|
|Sarah Spain: I think he means Thibs should get that Doc Rivers money.|