1. Why do the White Sox keep changing their rotation?
|Mick Swasko: Honestly don't know. I only change mine once a week.|
|Matt Pais: Sometimes life just offers too many choices. Turkey. Roast beef. Oven roasted chicken. Help!|
|Jane Monzures: When guys switch positions, it improves their performance. Just ask any girl.|
|Kat Velez: They got a hold of Coach Q's Random Line Generator.|
|Kevin Sciretta: Because why build a division lead if you can't blow it?|
2. If the White Sox win the AL Central ...
|Mick Swasko: If? There are no "ifs." Solid team, they'll be all right. And I'm a Cubs fan.|
|Matt Pais: ... I salute Chicago and am happy for my Sox fan friends but derive no pleasure personally.|
|Jane Monzures: ... the CUBS still don't make it to the playoffs.|
|Kat Velez: ... their inevitable failure has been put off another week. Rejoice.|
|Kevin Sciretta: ... Adam Dunn will celebrate with six home runs ... and six strikeouts.|
3. What can the NFL do to help replacement officials?Matt Pais: Mick Swasko: Jane Monzures: Kat Velez:
|Mick Swasko: Threaten them with an eight-hour seminar taught by John Madden and Chris Berman.|
|Matt Pais: Glasses. Education. Resumes.|
|Jane Monzures: Ask Foot Locker to keep their weekend jobs open for when the real ones return.|
|Kat Velez: Train them? It's obvious they've had less training than your average McDonald's employee.|
|Kevin Sciretta: Oh man. Fire them.|
4. What should the winner of the Ryder Cup get?
|Mick Swasko: An all-you-can-drink token for Medinah's lone bar, if there's any booze left.|
|Matt Pais: Just so I'm clear: This is the polo match when the horses ride the jockeys, right?|
|Jane Monzures: Free rounds of "Funky Cold Medinahs"!|
|Kat Velez: A cup they can, uh, ryde. I guess. I don't know.|
|Kevin Sciretta: Tickets to an interesting sporting event.|
5. If someone called you a "ballerina in a Giants uniform," how would you respond?
|Mick Swasko: That was a misquote. He meant to say "baller in a Giants uniform." They're pals.|
|Matt Pais: "I was just walking around in jeans and a T-shirt, but hey, it's your acid trip."|
|Jane Monzures: "So do these toe shoes make my butt look big?"|
|Kat Velez: I'd put on a tutu and pirouette them in the balls.|
|Kevin Sciretta: I'd call them a cab. They are obviously drunk, as I've never been confused for a ballerina or a Giant.|