1. Make a prediction for the Stanley Cup playoffs.
Sean Ely: Wings in four over the Hawks for the Cup. #hockeytown
Pete McMurray: I'll be drinking for at LEAST four nights!
Ernest Wilkins: The Blackhawks will go to the Western Conference finals. After that? Ice Capades?
Elliott Serrano: My playoff beard is going to be glorious. Glorious, I say!
Sarah Spain: I predict the Canucks won't be in 'em!
2. How should Joakim Noah be rewarded for his outstanding season?
Sean Ely: He shall be awarded one free men's shampoo and haircut from Great Clips.
Pete McMurray: Road trip to California with a medicinal pot card.
Ernest Wilkins: With a Most Improved Player award and a new contract!
Elliott Serrano: Someone should get him a free membership to the Hair Scrunchie of the Month Club.
Sarah Spain: If you're Thibs, probably a pat on the back and a 60-minute practice.
3. Who should be the Cubs' new closer?
Sean Ely: Chazz Broington, who lives in Wrigleyville with his three bro-dawg roommates. He can close ANY deal late in the evening! Turn down for what?
Pete McMurray: Ray Donovan. He'll get it done (see the Showtime series this summer, then you'll laugh).
Ernest Wilkins: Doesn't it seem like we ask this every season? At what point do we just slap a jersey on the hot dog guy?
Elliott Serrano: OK, you twisted my arm, I'll do it. I can't be any worse, eh?
Sarah Spain: Think Ryan Dempster can be lured out of the bleachers for one more go-round?
4. Why is Chad Johnson trying out for a Canadian Football League team?
Sean Ely: Because he wants to prove he's a worthless wide receiver to the citizens of a new country.
Pete McMurray: Ocho Cinco sounds better in French.
Ernest Wilkins: He's out of options and is now taking his talents to Singing Sands Beach.
Elliott Serrano: Canadian money spends just as good as American. And it buys better beer.
Sarah Spain: He's probably got less than Ochocinco dollars in the bank.
5. Green jackets are to the Masters as ...
Sean Ely: ... ironic mustaches are to Wicker Park.
Pete McMurray: ... a flip phone is to Rahm Emanuel.
Ernest Wilkins: Absolutely boring. Golf on TV is boring. Go outside. Eat pimento cheese. Repeat.
Elliott Serrano: ... loud-patterned golf pants are to Bill Murray: tacky but acceptable.
Sarah Spain: ... condoms are to sex -- when you're all done, you hope you're wearing one.