1. Let's have your Wimbledon prediction.
|Sean Ely: Kirsten Dunst is cast and RedEye critic Matt Pais likens her performance to "swarms of bees mating angrily."|
|Bear Jordan: Lots and lots of grunting. I'd feel right at home!|
|Ernest Wilkins: Guy with many consonants in last name loses to guy with way too many vowels in his.|
|Elliott Serrano: I will learn to properly pronounce Novak Djokovic's name. Maybe.|
|Sarah Spain: Strawberries and cream for everyone!|
2. The Bulls want Arron Afflalo. How does that make Carmelo Anthony feel?
|Sean Ely: "[Bleep], I'm never leaving Manhattan. Maybe I'll try wearing orange arm sleeves on my legs next season ... start a trend."|
|Bear Jordan: And I want a tree full of delicious honey, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna get it.|
|Ernest Wilkins: Great! Now Rose/Noah/Gibson/Affalo/Melo is wholly possible!|
|Elliott Serrano: Like he wants to buy a plane ticket to Houston.|
|Sarah Spain: Bulls never get who they want, so Melo can feel any which way he wants. Not comin' here.|
3. If Juanita Jordan's recently sold penthouse condo could talk, what would it say?
|Sean Ely: "I'm really gonna miss having someone worth $170 million living here."|
|Bear Jordan: "Finally, Bear Jordan can move in!"|
|Ernest Wilkins: "Thank you, sneakerheads, I was funded by sales of Space Jam Jordans!"|
|Elliott Serrano: The penthouse is pitching a reality show called "The Ex-Wives of Air Jordan." It's going to run on the Oprah network.|
|Sarah Spain: "G.O.A.T. I know you won't mess with me, you MJ, uh uh, you MJ, uh uh. Shhhhh ..."|
4. How are you passing the time until the Blackhawks' season opener Oct. 9?
|Sean Ely: Watching The Mighty Ducks trilogy on repeat and calling everyone I know a "cake eater."|
|Bear Jordan: Welp, gotta hibernate sometime, I guess.|
|Ernest Wilkins: Guess I'll start pregaming? *looks at calendar* ... uh oh.|
|Elliott Serrano: I'm making a life-sized replica of the Stanley Cup out of toothpicks.|
|Sarah Spain: Making sure nothing of any importance goes five hole.|
5. This World Cup so far has been ...
|Sean Ely: Horrible for my liver.|
|Bear Jordan: Kicky.|
|Ernest Wilkins: Amazing! You're an uncultured butthole if you aren't into these games so far.|
|Elliott Serrano: As surprising as the NBA Finals. Spain has played like the Miami Heat, while Lionel Messi has had more pressure on him than LeBron James.|
|Sarah Spain: Soccer-y.|