1. First Coach Q's crotch grab, then Seabrook's suspension. And the next embarrassment for the Hawks is ...
Clark Jones: ... Frank the Zamboni driver's sex tape.
Aly Bockler: ... playoff handlebar mustaches instead of beards. Please, Chicago, not another handlebar mustache!
Scott Bolohan: ... Duncan Keith will ask a woman when her baby is due. She isn't pregnant.
John Dooley: ... Patrick Sharp suddenly loses his handsomeness
Leonor Vivanco: ... other than losing another game? Maybe if Jim Cornelison's voice cracked during the national anthem.
2. What punishment would you have given Seabrook other than suspension?
Clark Jones: Comb through James Harden's beard.
Aly Bockler: Ever smell the inside of that mascot costume? Put Seabs on hype man duty and give Tommy Hawk three nights off!
Scott Bolohan: Tell him we're not mad, we're just disappointed.
John Dooley: I think being forced to stay in St. Louis for a week would do the job.
Leonor Vivanco: A barber's choice between a mullet, the Steeglemore or rat tail -- whichever looks worse.
3. How many sideline interviews will Joakim Noah's dad ignore during Game 2 against the Wizards?
Clark Jones: Enough to distract us from that angel he calls his daughter.
Aly Bockler 15-love.
Scott Bolohan: 69. Haha.
John Dooley: 36.
Leonor Vivanco: None. His son just won the NBA's Defensive Player of the Year. Who wouldn't want to brag about that?
4. What's the Diamondbacks' favorite thing about leaving Arizona to play in 50-degree Chicago weather?
Clark Jones: They get to leave with three wins.
Aly Bockler: No threats of deportation!
Scott Bolohan: It's a dry 50 degrees.
John Dooley: Excuse to bring out liquor in the dugout to keep warm.
Leonor Vivanco: They finally get to wear the "seasonal" clothes stuck in the back of their closets and see what it's like to not sweat outside.
5. Chicago's South Side is to Detroit as ...
Clark Jones: ... Honey Boo-Boo is to the North Side of Chicago. #seewhatididthere
Aly Bockler: ... a winning lottery ticket is to an unemployment check.
Scott Bolohan: ... putting relish on hot dogs is to putting cars on roads. Pretty much a draw.
John Dooely ... St. Louis is to hell.
Leonor Vivanco: ... your 30th birthday is to your 50th. One parties hard and has more fun. The other you don't even want to think about.