1. The Blackhawks are to overtime as ...
|Sean Ely: ... the Blackhawks are to losing.|
|Pete McMurray: ... the Cubs are to LAST place. Very comfortable, yet shouldn't be there.|
|Ernest Wilkins: ... I am to taking bomb shots. Every time it happens, Chicago loses.|
|Elliott Serrano: ... Indiana Jones is to snakes. "Hate 'em, Jock! HATE 'EM!"|
|Sarah Spain: ... Mike Singletary is to Vernon Davis. "Can't win with 'em!"|
2. What's more famous: Coach Q's crotch or his mustache?
|Sean Ely: His lack of 2014 playoff wins. Oh wait, that wasn't one of the choices. My mistake.|
|Pete McMurray: Ask his wife.|
|Ernest Wilkins: Editor's note: Ernest submitted a response so controversial that legally we can't print it|
|Elliott Serrano: Which one gets more television time? Don't answer that.|
|Sarah Spain: I'd imagine that depends on who and where you're asking ...|
3. How is playoff Joakim Noah different from regular-season Joakim Noah?
|Sean Ely: His voice during post-game interviews elevates to a whopping -30 decibels.|
|Pete McMurray: It's like picking up a chick at The Lodge and she turns out to be Kate Upton.|
|Ernest Wilkins: (Editor's Note Cont.) Seriously, that was bad. How does someone even come up with that kind of visual?|
|Elliott Serrano: The hair bun is just a bit higher and a tad tighter.|
|Sarah Spain: Playoff Noah gets quadruple doubles.|
4. What fashion statement is Dwyane Wade getting ready to make?
|Sean Ely: Who wrote this question? And why did he or she write it?|
|Pete McMurray: Pharrell Williams's hat and Lady Gaga's meat suit. Great visual, isn't it?|
|Ernest Wilkins: (Editor's Note Cont.) RedEye management is having a last-minute meeting to decide if we even want to continue employing this kind of person.|
|Elliott Serrano: "Cosby sweaters are cool again." To which I would respond, "WHEN WERE THEY NOT?"|
|Sarah Spain: Whatever it is, an actual statement will be necessary to apologize for it.|
5. How can the White Sox fix their bullpen issues?
|Sean Ely: Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start.|
|Pete McMurray: Scout Chinatown for the next big Asian prospect. And while you're there, pick me up some Kung Pao chicken.|
|Ernest Wilkins: (Editor's Note Cont.) When reached for comment, Wilkins said, "What? All I said was, "What about his crotch mustache?"|
|Elliott Serrano: "Nuke it from orbit. That's the only way to be sure."|
|Sarah Spain: If you're never leading, you can never blow it. Just ask the Cubs.|