The Midwest


Ernest, your chest-beating is endearing but your argument is as inferior as your University of Phoe--excuse me--Florida State education. You Southerners wouldn’t last five seconds at Purdue’s Breakfast Club, wherein you get up at 6 a.m. and head to the bars dressed in a ridiculous costume after closing them down at 3 the night before. I can already hear your liver shuddering in fear. That’s to say nothing of Ohio State-Michigan, Iowa’s ridiculous tailgating scene, Madison’s State Street, Notre Dame’s traditions, I could go on but I can’t dangle a set of car keys to keep y’alls attention. My point: we’ve got real rivalries with legit academic institutions that actually hate one another. If I want to go on spring break, I’ll head back down South. If I want a real college football experience, I’ll drive three hours in any direction and hang with people who know how to do it right.--Matt Lindner, @mattlindner, For RedEye.

 

The South

Matt, being a native Chicagoan, I naively once thought the pinnacle of football existence was found in the Big Ten or at Notre Dame as you do. Then, I went to school down south and realized how dumb I was. Now, instead of my original plan (typing "LOL" a bunch of times at the sheer chutzpah of a Purdue grad talking smack to a FSU grad about ANYTHING sports-related), I’ll put it like this. Football in the south is bigger, it’s stronger, and it’s BETTER. I’m not just talking FSU/Miami, I’m talking Georgia/Florida, Auburn/'Bama, LSU/anybody, hell Clemson/South Carolina can get downright ugly. Games feels like title matches (P.S.: They usually are title matches). Save for Ohio State/Michigan, there ain’t no experience up north like that. (Sidebar: can people who go to schools with crappy football teams stop deluding themselves with the “legit academic institiutions” BS? We don’t believe you, you need more people.) Also, TAILGATING? Yeah freezing my ass off waiting for brats to thaw sounds like a real gas. Entire towns shut down on THURSDAY for games down south. Women? Hot as hell. Food? Amazing. Bourbon? Flowing. This is a no contest.--Ernest Wilkins, @ernestwilkins, RedEye.

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