1. How would you help the Bears in their search for a backup quarterback?
|Matt Pais: Throw a bag with $5 million into the center of a gym. Wait.|
|Jay St. Pierre: Heck, pay me the $600,000 they paid Josh McCown last year and I'll be the backup the next FIVE years.|
|Jane Monzures: Star in a fake reality show and whichever QB falls for me is the winner!|
|Kat Velez: I would find the nicest borderline player so the meatballs would be clamoring for him to start.|
|Mike Hines: I graduated from high school with Cade McNown. I could make a call ...|
2. Why did a Packers player call Julius Peppers "a freak of nature"?
|Matt Pais: He's never thought about the meaning or implications of that terminology.|
|Jay St. Pierre: Only a "freak accident" could make such a talented player go downhill in such little time.|
|Jane Monzures: Nobody in Green Bay has that many teeth!|
|Kat Velez: He is actually 85 percent green pepper.|
|Mike Hines: I'm pretty sure it was a compliment.|
3. What is the "elephant" role in football?
|Matt Pais: It's been discontinued. There's just no reason for someone to spray players with a hose during halftime. Usually.|
|Jay St. Pierre: I thought the saying was "elephant in the room." I'm confused.|
|Jane Monzures: Well it's OBVIOUSLY on the football field!|
|Kat Velez: He's the guy in the room who no one wants to point out.|
|Mike Hines: I don't know, but it sounds heavy.|
4. What are the Blackhawks doing to make their young players feel welcome?
|Matt Pais: Punch and pie.|
|Jay St. Pierre: Letting them drink from the Cup. It's the only way to wean them off the bottle.|
|Jane Monzures: They can still bring their blankeys on road trips.|
|Kat Velez: They're not sending them to Rockford. That's the nicest thing they could do for them.|
|Mike Hines: I hear they installed a hot chocolate fountain in the dressing room.|
5. Why does Phil Mickelson miss Tiger Woods at the Masters?
|Matt Pais: Insert golf-related sexual innuendo here.|
|Jay St. Pierre: Well, Lefty is missing his "right hand man"! Get it? "Lefty ... Righty?!" Man, I'm funny!|
|Jane Monzures: Who's gonna get all the phone numbers now?|
|Kat Velez: He misses the ladies who follow him.|
|Mike Hines: Augusta just isn't the same without all those F-bombs flying around.|