1. Cinco de Mayo parties are to Chicago sports as ...
|Elise De Los Santos: ... not winning is to all Chicago sports not played on ice.|
|Jay St. Pierre: Sweet tea is to Southerners: a daily neccessity in the summertime.|
|Ernest Wilkins: Cinco De Mayo parties are to my life: too much tequila and you just know I'm going to end up cursing and making my girlfriend mad.|
|Elliott Serrano: ... drinking margaritas is to writing your 5 on 5 answers. Pass the lime!|
|Sarah Spain: I had too many mint juleps this weekend to understand this question.|
2. Give fans a reason to watch the Crosstown Classic this week.
|Elise De Los Santos: [Bleeping] When else are you going to watch the Sox or the Cubs this year?|
|Jay St. Pierre: Are we talking about baseball or the Crosstown Classic 10K? Because both are equally riveting.|
|Ernest Wilkins: Jose Abreu will hit a home run so far that he accidentally pelts a soccer mom walking on Southport!|
|Elliott Serrano: Bring a bottle of tequila and margarita mix. That'll make it bearable. Where did I put that rim salt?|
|Sarah Spain: Catch the drunken bleacher fights live, before they hit YouTube.|
3. The NBA playoffs so far have been ...
|Elise De Los Santos: Oh, is that still going on?|
|Jay St. Pierre: Insane in the membrane. Who sang that?|
|Ernest Wilkins: ... amazing, except for the Bulls. Everyone should be rooting for the Blazers from here on.|
|Elliott Serrano: ...blurry. I think I've been too generous with the tequila.|
|Sarah Spain: Sphincter-testing.|
4. What changes for the Hawks with the series shifting to Minnesota?
|Elise De Los Santos: Hopefully nothing. More winning.|
|Jay St. Pierre: Game plan for Billy Bob Thornton. I've been watching a lot of "Fargo" lately, and he scares the [bleep] out of me.|
|Ernest Wilkins: The most famous rapper they'll have to here goes from Nelly to Atmosphere. Now that's a transition!|
|Elliott Serrano: The accents of the hotel staff? Speaking of hotels, where's the ice machine?|
|Sarah Spain: The groupies.|
5. What will Patrick Kane's next spectacular goal look like?Elliott Serrano: Sarah Spain: Elise De Los Santos: Ernest Wilkins: Jay St. Pierre:
|Elise De Los Santos: Look, Ma, no hands!|
|Jay St. Pierre: A backwards-between-the-legs-Serena-Williams-esque shot.|
|Ernest Wilkins: Two words: Knuckle. Puck.|
|Elliott Serrano: Like this drink in my hand: cool and oh-so- sweet.|
|Sarah Spain: So beautiful it will be invisible to the naked eye. Only dogs will hear the goal horn.|