Blackhawks season is real-life 'Groundhog Day'

At 9 a.m. the"Do do do …" of "Chelsea Dagger" blares from the alarm-clock radio.

"OK, Chicago, rise and shine, and don't forget your Uggs 'cause it's cooooold out there today," Waddle says.

"It's coooold out there every day," Silvy says

"But the big question on everybody's chapped lips ..."

"Are the Blackhawks ever going to lose?"

"March 8th?" I thought to myself. "And the Blackhawks haven't lost? How could this be? Am I going crazy?"

I go out for a walk. A man stops me.

"Scott? Scott Bolohan? I thought that was you!"

"Hi, thanks for reading," I said.

"Don't you tell me you don't know me 'cause I sure as heckfire know you! Patrick ... Kane! ‘Pointy-nose Pat'? ‘Kane the Brain'? Chicago Blackhawks? I scored the game-winning goal in the Finals? Bing."

"Patrick Kane?!?"

"BING!" Kane said.

"Quick. How many losses do the Blackhawks have?"

"None in regulation."

"I think there is something really wrong with me."

"You haven't had a girlfriend in years, Scott, and are pretty much unemployed?"

"Well, yes … but something else. I'm living the same day over and over again. Every day I wake up and the Hawks win. I've got to go."

I trip over the State Street preacher's amplifier.

"Watch out for that first step, it's a doozy!" he said.

I take the ‘L' to Cozy Corner to meet my friend Dennis. I order 25 plates of cheesecake-stuffed French toast. A waiter drops a tray of dishes.

"Dennis, I'm reliving the same day over and over."

"I'm waiting for the punch line."

"This is the 24th time. The Hawks win, I go to sleep, wake up, the Hawks win. Same thing, every day."

"What? They do have points in the last 24 games. I think you should get your head examined."

My friend Ryan walks in. "We better get going if we're going to stay ahead of the crowds," Ryan said.

We arrive at the Hawks game and find our seats.

"I'm telling you guys, it's the same shtick every game," I said. "They give up a goal or two, come back, score in the last minute and win."

"Yeah, we all know." Ryan said.

Then it dawned on me.

"When Chelios saw the long hockey season, he saw a season bleak and dark and bereft of hope. But standing here among the people of Chicago, I couldn't imagine a better fate than a long and lustrous Blackhawks season."

"Scott, that was surprising," Dennis said. "I didn't know you were so versatile."

"I surprise myself sometimes. Also, I have access to"

After the Hawks win I go back to my apartment. Maybe this really wasn't too good to be true. I fall asleep.

"Do do do …"

Scott Bolohan is a RedEye special contributor.

Want more? Discuss this article and others on RedEye's Facebook page

Copyright © 2015, RedEye
Related Content
  • Man fatally shot after argument over woman at South Loop lounge
    Man fatally shot after argument over woman at South Loop lounge

    An argument over a woman led to one man being killed and another wounded during a shooting inside a South Loop music lounge early Saturday, police said.

  • Oklahoma fraternity's racist chant learned on a cruise
    Oklahoma fraternity's racist chant learned on a cruise

    Members of a University of Oklahoma fraternity apparently learned a racist chant that recently got their chapter disbanded during a national leadership cruise four years ago that was sponsored by the fraternity's national administration, the university's president said Friday.

  • In NYC building collapse, mayor cites 'inappropriately' tapped gas line; 2 missing
    In NYC building collapse, mayor cites 'inappropriately' tapped gas line; 2 missing

    Someone may have improperly tapped a gas line before an explosion that leveled three apartment buildings and injured nearly two dozen people, Mayor Bill de Blasio said Friday as firefighters soaked the still-smoldering buildings and police searched for at least two missing people.

  • Emanuel uses borrowing to cope with Daley's debt burden
    Emanuel uses borrowing to cope with Daley's debt burden

    Mayor Rahm Emanuel has reduced spending and increased fines, fees and certain taxes to shrink the chronic budget deficits left over from his predecessor, Richard M. Daley.

  • Six Flags Great America's lost attractions
    Six Flags Great America's lost attractions

    Not every ride's the Willard's Whizzer. That iconic coaster debuted in 1976 when Marriott's Great America, now Six Flags Great America, in Gurnee, Ill., first opened. And it's still popular today. But for every Whizzer there's a Tidal Wave, Shockwave or Z-Force, rides existing only in memory.

  • Denim's just getting started
    Denim's just getting started

    Five years ago, denim-on-denim defied all of the dire warnings in the "Undateable" handbook: Instead of evoking John Denver or Britney Spears in her misstyled youth, chambray shirts paired with darker blue jeans became as cool as actor Johnny Depp and street-style heroine Alexa Chung.