By Scott Bolohan @scottbolohan
12:08 PM CST, March 8, 2013
At 9 a.m. the"Do do do …" of "Chelsea Dagger" blares from the alarm-clock radio.
"OK, Chicago, rise and shine, and don't forget your Uggs 'cause it's cooooold out there today," Waddle says.
"It's coooold out there every day," Silvy says
"But the big question on everybody's chapped lips ..."
"Are the Blackhawks ever going to lose?"
"March 8th?" I thought to myself. "And the Blackhawks haven't lost? How could this be? Am I going crazy?"
I go out for a walk. A man stops me.
"Scott? Scott Bolohan? I thought that was you!"
"Hi, thanks for reading," I said.
"Don't you tell me you don't know me 'cause I sure as heckfire know you! Patrick ... Kane! ‘Pointy-nose Pat'? ‘Kane the Brain'? Chicago Blackhawks? I scored the game-winning goal in the Finals? Bing."
"BING!" Kane said.
"Quick. How many losses do the Blackhawks have?"
"None in regulation."
"I think there is something really wrong with me."
"You haven't had a girlfriend in years, Scott, and are pretty much unemployed?"
"Well, yes … but something else. I'm living the same day over and over again. Every day I wake up and the Hawks win. I've got to go."
I trip over the State Street preacher's amplifier.
"Watch out for that first step, it's a doozy!" he said.
I take the ‘L' to Cozy Corner to meet my friend Dennis. I order 25 plates of cheesecake-stuffed French toast. A waiter drops a tray of dishes.
"Dennis, I'm reliving the same day over and over."
"I'm waiting for the punch line."
"This is the 24th time. The Hawks win, I go to sleep, wake up, the Hawks win. Same thing, every day."
"What? They do have points in the last 24 games. I think you should get your head examined."
My friend Ryan walks in. "We better get going if we're going to stay ahead of the crowds," Ryan said.
We arrive at the Hawks game and find our seats.
"I'm telling you guys, it's the same shtick every game," I said. "They give up a goal or two, come back, score in the last minute and win."
"Yeah, we all know." Ryan said.
Then it dawned on me.
"When Chelios saw the long hockey season, he saw a season bleak and dark and bereft of hope. But standing here among the people of Chicago, I couldn't imagine a better fate than a long and lustrous Blackhawks season."
"Scott, that was surprising," Dennis said. "I didn't know you were so versatile."
"I surprise myself sometimes. Also, I have access to wikiquote.org."
After the Hawks win I go back to my apartment. Maybe this really wasn't too good to be true. I fall asleep.
"Do do do …"
Scott Bolohan is a RedEye special contributor.
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