Green Bay all-Earth quarterback Aaron Rodgers is going to play Sunday. Honestly, you knew he would. Destiny and stuff, man.
This is a playoff game, and if he sat he'd be downgraded to mere demigod status across Wisconsin. No more free refills on cheese curds OR Spotted Cow. (He would still receive complimentary seasonal snowmobile and jet ski service on over 1,400 lakes statewide.)
Maybe Shea McClellin can reprise his one single useful play this season and crack Rodgers in the neck again? I mean, in a totally legally and not-dirty-at-all way?
Best case scenario
The rust shows on Rodgers much like it did on Cutler in the first half against Cleveland, and the Bears run up a double-digit halftime lead. The offense puts up 40 and the 2013 Bears pass the '85 legends to become the highest-scoring team in franchise history. All of the overs hit in a 43-38 Bears triumph. Rodgers shaves his mustache in shame on live TV for some State Farm-related reason while George Wendt prods him with grill tongs.
Worst case scenario
Rodgers plays an average game, which means 300 yards and two touchdowns. Random Packers Running Back Guy will run for 100 by halftime on the woeful Chicago defensive line, and Cutler will mope and half-limp every time he throws an incompletion. Packers win 27-16, icing the win with a Cutler pick-six that ends up being his final pass in a Bears uniform.
Weirdest case scenario
GOOD GAWD, THAT'S THE METEOROLOGICAL PHENOMENON KNOWN AS FOG'S MYEW-SICK! A bank of heavenly angel farts rolls over the lip of Soldier Field, filling the bowl to the brim. No one can see anything. Joe Buck leaves the booth in disgust midway through the second quarter. (Winner: EARTH) The contest ends in a 0-0 tie.
And the Bears at 8-7-1 would edge the Packers' 7-7-2 record. A team that gave away two division wins still wins the division. The weirdest division title journey ever, leading to a probable home game against New Orleans. Unlikely, yes. But weirder things have happened.
RedEye special contributor Alex Quigley can be heard on WGN Radio 720.Want more? Discuss this article and others on RedEye Sports' Facebook page.