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A Bears fan's positive-negative look at the season

If you've been a fan of the Bears for long enough, you've probably walked the line between borderline-unrealistic positivity and soul-crushing negativity before the season starts. If you’re really ‘bout that life, you go through both during the course of a single game. I let my overly optimistic side have it out with the doom-and-gloom nature I usually exhibit during the NFL season. Let's see what happens.

Negative: Well, we're about to embark upon another Bears season. How do you think the offseason went?

Positive: Great! Calm but fulfilling load up in the draft, new coaching regime firmly in place ... it's all pointing in a positive direction, I'd say. I mean, let's be honest. This is a Super Bowl year.

UGHHHHHHH.

Is something the matter?

You CAN'T be serious. The team is going to be horrible this year.

What makes you say that? They have a great chance to shock the world!

You don't understand. They got rid of Urlacher! Bostic is decent, but we don't have a linebacker who will make opposing offenses poop their shorts. I'm going to cry. URLACHER is gone. SHORTS. POOP.

Oh, here we go.

You know what your problem is? You don't believe in how the Bears do business.

Yes, because it's apparent that not giving Urlacher another chance at a run shows that the organization is trying to kill the old-school "Bears football" mentality.

It's true! Bears football is the tradition of brutalizing your opponent with hardcore defense and then grinding it out with runs. Smash-mouth Bear football. It's how we do things.

Enough. I am sick and tired of delusional Bears fans who preach empty concepts like "smash mouth" football. In the modern NFL, you've got read options and QBs that can outrun corners and all kinds of spreads and you want a running back averaging 3 yards but grunting and strangely bleeding for some reason because that's "Bear" football? You're insane!

No, all that stuff is a fad anyway! Three yards and a cloud of dust in miserable conditions. Another thing, these modern players are pansies nowadays! I'm so so so so tired of these non-tackling soft-serve man-children wearing the same "C" Butkus did.

"Oh these guys ain't tough!" Who are you trying to out-machismo like you aren't sore for three days after playing softball for 45 minutes?

That's not the point. Look, I'm just saying that if the team focuses on the essentials, they'll be successful.

I agree with that point. Also, if Jay Cutler gets more than 4.1 seconds to do his thing, they'll be in a good spot.

Yeah for sure. So, what do you think the record will be?

Realistically, I'm saying 10-6 and a first-round playoff appearance.

OK. 10 wins. Well, maybe 11. Actually, they could pull it out against the Steelers ... no, they WILL win that game. And the division. Now that I think about it, ARE YOU INSANE? This team is primed for 13-3 Hell, they might just hit beast mode and run through everyone to the title! First-round bye on deck, baby!

Oh boy. Well, tell you what. Can we agree that there isn't a better team to support, for better or for worse?

Agreed. Also [bleep] the Packers.

*nods vigorously* [Bleep] the Packers.

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Copyright © 2015, RedEye
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