1.How will the Red Sox greet Theo Epstein when they play the Cubs this weekend?
Georgia Garvey: With a bouquet of lilies and a sympathy card. It's hard to hate someone you pity.
Phil Thompson: They'll give him his very own bloody sock ... by kicking his ankles.
Alex Quigley: Awkward glances, a forced hug, nervous conversation, a half-ass commitment to "stay in touch."
Jimmy Greenfield: They'll walk by him while holding a cellphone in their hand.
Bag Boy: They'll invite him to the clubhouse for beers. During the game.
2. What trade would you like to see the Cubs make?
Georgia Garvey: I feel like Jim Mora here. Trade? TRADE? We're just trying to win a game!
Phil Thompson: I'll give Alfonso Soriano to anyone who can give me the last three seasons back.
Alex Quigley: The Cubs' win-loss record for the Dodgers' win-loss record.
Jimmy Greenfield: Starlin Castro for another young star who can draw a walk more than once every two weeks.
Bag Boy: Ryan Dempster to the White Sox for Gavin Floyd and Philip Humber.
3. What did you learn from Bears minicamp?
Georgia Garvey: That it's much cuter than regular-size camp.
Phil Thompson: That Jay Cutler will be able to tell how well the Soldier Field grass is holding up this season.
Alex Quigley: Brandon Marshall. 100 catches, 1,300 yards, 11 TDs. Book it. Done.
Jimmy Greenfield: That if you ignore Bears minicamp, you will not be able to answer certain 5 on 5 questions.
Bag Boy: Quit your bleeping whining, Matt Forte. No one misses you.
4. Why is it taking so long to agree on a college football playoff?
Georgia Garvey: Because there are always teams that would rather win unfairly than lose fairly.
Phil Thompson: All they need now is someone they can trust to pick the right teams. Say, isn't Bobby Petrino available?
Alex Quigley: There's a lot of money to illegally funnel to people. It takes time.
Jimmy Greenfield: You mean besides money, greed and corruption? No idea.
Bag Boy: When there's billions at stake, it takes a little longer to split the pie.
5. What will investigators find when they probe the Pacquiao-Bradley fight?
Georgia Garvey: That boxing is corrupt, which will cause them to expire from shock.
Phil Thompson: That one of the judges was a voodoo doll made of Don King's hair clippings.
Alex Quigley: In an upset no one saw coming, the real winner was America.
Jimmy Greenfield: Bourbon and hookers, as long as they look in my suite.
Bag Boy: The sport is fixed, rigged and built to make the rich richer. Like America.