Advice for everyone in a fantasy football relationship

Is your spouse spending countless hours on Internet searches using keywords such as "can't-miss tight ends"?

It’s that time of year again, when millions of wives and some husbands lose their spouses to a torrid, whirlwind affair. 

Think you might be a victim? Ask yourself these questions:

  • Is your spouse spending countless hours on Internet searches using keywords such as "fantasy busts," "fantasy studs" or the self-implicating "can’t-miss tight ends"?
  • Do they frequently check their phones, especially on Sundays, acting nervous, agitated or jealous when they learn someone else has scored?
  • Have you caught them talking dirty online with complete strangers threatening to take them to school or to spank them raw?

If you answered yes to any of these, chances are your significant other has registered on one or more of "those sites," and yes, they are having an affair. Don’t let your heart shatter yet or start looking up divorce attorneys.

This affair is far from that of the Ashley Madison variety, although it does involve fantasy and some role-playing. This affair, of course, is with fantasy football.

Whether you are the jilted lover or the one entangled in this messy affair, know you are not alone. According to Forbes, more than 33 million people play fantasy football each year. For significant others, the good news is that the affair lasts only about 17 weeks, often less, and in most cases ends in disappointment and the second-guessing of choices made.  

Also consider this key fact: Most fantasy football players are not actually cheaters. Doing so is usually forbidden.

If you still fear that your relationship or disdain for those who play games can’t survive without counseling or that your fantasy football obsession is out of control, consider RedEye your intervention specialist. I’m your Dr. Phil. Who better to offer expert advice on anything fantasy than a person who lives his life in one?

I’ll provide answers to the most pressing fantasy football issues, with expert analysis designed to take your experience to the next level ... of hilarity appealing to both the fantasy player and the impacted family.

You will get the strength you need to take control of your life (and your season), learning when it’s time to divorce the one you love most, like that top-rated quarterback who never shows you anything in return. Or that running back who fumbles everything, violating that trust you worked so hard to build. 

No fantasy rock will be left unturned. Don’t let the whole baseball persona get to you, either. I’ve got my balls in order, fully inflated. The "doctor" is in. 

Next week: The art of naming your team and developing a draft strategy.

Need fantasy football relationship advice? Tweet @thesoxman72.

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