81. Trade Matt Garza the morning after his first decent start.

80. Under no circumstances re-sign Garza.

79. See No. 47.

78. Understand that if Javier Baez becomes Corey Patterson or Felix Pie, we will turn on you.

77. Whomever you draft No. 2 overall in June should make his MLB debut in 2014. Or we will turn on you.

76. Brett Jackson and/or Josh Vitters are only part of the future if they're traded for players who will be part of the future.

75. The honeymoon ends the day after the 2014 season is over.

74. This means any success before 2015 is gravy, anything less than playoffs afterward is failure.

73. OK, let's talk about third base. As soon as it's humanly possible, stop giving Luis Valbuena at-bats. Just stop.

72. Yeah, I know he's the best third baseman they have. I just can't bear that this is true.

71. For the love of God, don't try and tell me Ian Stewart still may get his swing back.

70. Get off to a hot start this season to find out if Dale Sveum knows how to manage.

69. Cool off in time to make trade deadline deals.

68. So what happens if the Cubs are contending in late July? I will eat this entire issue of RedEye.

67. Even the iPad version.

66. Start a contest for fans to guess when Starlin Castro will get his 3,000th hit. (Put me down for July 23, 2027.)

65. Swap teams with the Kane County Cougars one day this season. See if anyone notices.

64. Pray Travis Wood turns into a quality starter. Unless the Cubs don't think young, cheap and lefty is their thing.

63. You want to keep morale up? Finish above .500 at home.

62. Open a Starbucks inside Wrigley Field. If only to drive White Sox fans crazy.