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redeyechicago.com

Five on Five: Ouch

The Bears' Chris Williams is outta here. Could these 5 be far behind? Hmmm ...

6:50 PM CDT, July 19, 2012

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1. The Bears cut former first-round draft pick Chris Williams. Cheer him up.
Chris Sosa: "At least you're out of Jay Cutler's shoving range."
Matt Pais: "Now you have lots of free time to see 'Here Comes the Boom.' Not that you should, but you could."
Jane Monzures: "Look at the bright side: You were a first-round draft pick."
Kat Velez: "It's not you -- it's that Jerry Angelo picked you. Well, actually ... OK, it's you."
T.J. Jagodowski: "You're not Ryan Leaf and we're heading into chowder season."
2. What should Beyonce do for the Super Bowl halftime show?
Chris Sosa: Juggle. No one will see THAT coming.
Matt Pais: You can't see it right now, but I'm doing the "Single Ladies" dance. I guess I could have just said it.
Jane Monzures: She could get all the single ladies to watch more than just the commercials.
Kat Velez: I don't care, because I probably won't watch anyway.
T.J. Jagodowski: Avoid the huge space age dump still sitting there from the Black Eyed Peas.
3. The Cubs lowered ticket prices. How shocked are you?
Chris Sosa: Not at all. Beer prices will increase to compensate.
Matt Pais: Very. Are you telling me there's some kind of relationship between supply and demand?
Jane Monzures: So shocked I'm gonna party like it's 1908!
Kat Velez: It's almost like they're admitting that the product on the field was inferior!
T.J. Jagodowski: Not at all -- they'll be playing in the McDonald's parking lot, leaving the field available for corporate events.
4. What would you do with 20-year-old McJordan barbecue sauce?
Chris Sosa: Exchange it for sauce that hasn't expired.
Matt Pais: Put it on an O'Olajuwon sandwich? I have no idea what you're talking about.
Jane Monzures: Put it next to my 20-year-old Scottie Pippen mustard, Horace Grant ketchup and Toni Kukoc mayo.
Kat Velez: Look at it and wonder why I bought a jug of 20-year-old barbecue sauce.
T.J. Jagodowski: Use it cover up the stench of the huge space age dump the Black Eyed Peas left a few years ago.
5. Tebowing vs. Deckering: Discuss.
Chris Sosa: I'm about to burn whatever dictionary that came from.
Matt Pais: Since Tebowing now means "Barely contributing to a team that doesn't know what to do with you," I'll pass on that.
Jane Monzures: I would much rather be Deckered than Tebowed.
Kat Velez: You cannot find two things I have less interest in discussing.
T.J. Jagodowski: I found his satanic stumble offensive to my lord and savior, Tim.