www.redeyechicago.com/sports/ct-red-fives-0221,0,2506200.htmlstory

redeyechicago.com

Hawk-story

6:50 PM CDT, July 19, 2012

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1. Congratulate the Hawks on their history-making start.
Matt Pais: I've been out all night celebrating. Did you not hear me? Damn weak megaphone.
Shaun Davis: "Congrats on entering the record book. Now put yourselves on The Cup."
Jane Monzures: As Herb Brooks told me, "A group of remarkable young men gave Chicago what it needed most -- a chance ... to believe."
Kat Velez: "Congrats on tying a record no one on the team probably cares about right now. (Get better soon, Hossa.)"
Ben Johnson: "Congratulations, now go out there and DON'T BE THE CAPITALS IN THE POSTSEASON."
2. Give us a trade the Bulls should pursue.
Matt Pais: Everyone but Derrick Rose for the Hawks. Luckily, I can't hear you disagreeing over that megaphone sound.
Shaun Davis: Rip Hamilton to Philly for cheesesteaks.
Jane Monzures: JJ Redick or JJ Hickson or even JJ Evans from "Good Times." It's simple, we just need a JJ.
Kat Velez: Trade for Roberto Luongo! Might as well add another team to the rumor mill.
Ben Johnson: Trade 2012-13 for 2013-14. Soon.
3. What should the Bears do with their $11 million in cap room?
Matt Pais: (Extends hands, look on face says only kidding if you are.)
Shaun Davis: Treat Cutler like private parts and get plenty of protection.
Jane Monzures: Reunite the 1985 Honey Bears and pay for face lifts, boob lifts, botox, filler and varicose vein treatments.
Kat Velez: Throw the biggest raver ever while the McCaskeys are out of town -- woooooo!
Ben Johnson: I've heard a lot of other teams have this thing called an "offensive line."
4. How should the Cubs change the seventh-inning stretch at Wrigley?
Matt Pais: Put an activity in every inning. The third-inning limbo will take some getting used to.
Shaun Davis: Harry Caray hologram like Tupac at Coachella.
Jane Monzures: Pass out leg warmers and headbands, sing "Let's Get Physical" while everyone does side bends and leg lifts.
Kat Velez: Scoring a bunch of runs beforehand would be nice.
Ben Johnson: Add Breathalyzers.
5. What did Tiger Woods mean when he said President Obama has "amazing touch"?
Matt Pais: My interest in what Tiger Woods says doesn't even reach the end of this
Shaun Davis: Elin has a higher swing speed than the Prez.
Jane Monzures: It was part of the golf advice Tiger gave him when he reminded the Prez to delete text messages.
Kat Velez: I'm not even going into this, because my mind goes to a weird place.
Ben Johnson: Obama reaches in and grabs ahold of your heart. His touch is both amazing AND invisible.
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