1. How are Chicago sports like Valentine's Day?
|Matt Pais: Spending $100 on a teddy bear will get you nowhere. That commercial is ridiculous.|
|Shaun Davis: Talk about investing in an eventual letdown. #heartandmoney|
|Jane Monzures: It's feast or famine and you never know if there will be a happy ending.|
|Kat Velez: Not at all, because I actually care about Chicago sports.|
|T.J. Jagodowski: You like to get wined and dined before a little before you get [bleep]ed.|
2. Derrick Rose at 110 percent is like ...
|Matt Pais: ... a stock exchange I do not understand. Similar to several other stock exchanges.|
|Shaun Davis: ... the "Megamind" version of Barry Bonds. Bulls win 73* next year.|
|Jane Monzures: ... champagne, a dozen roses, a box of chocolates and a diamond ring!|
|Kat Velez: I tried to answer this, but then the Bulls cut me off. Weird.|
|T.J. Jagodowski: ... Brandon Knight at 164 percent.|
3. What can the Cubs learn from Kerry Wood as their spring instructor?
|Matt Pais: Longevity is overrated. First get good, though.|
|Shaun Davis: Definitely how to comport yourself as a lovable loser.|
|Jane Monzures: Since we already know they're not going to win, at least they can learn how to be really awesome guys.|
|Kat Velez: How to suffer through failure after failure after failure.|
|T.J. Jagodowski: How to make a really serviceable three-bean chili.|
4. Now that the Olympics have dropped wrestling, what should they add?
|Matt Pais: Long-distance trampoline hurdles. Absolutely horrifying that's not a sport yet.|
|Shaun Davis: MMA. Just totally take the wind out of boxing. #bodyblow|
|Jane Monzures: Olympic coach for bikini car washing, duh.|
|Kat Velez: Baseball and softball. Again. Jerks.|
|T.J. Jagodowski: Falling from heights.|
5. What will Johnny Knox do now that the Bears let him go?
|Matt Pais: Wonder why anyone pays Kellen Davis ever. What do you nickname a guy who's the opposite of "Hands"?|
|Shaun Davis: Retire and give thanks for literally being able to walk away from the game.|
|Jane Monzures: Bikini car washing, of course.|
|Kat Velez: Become the gold-themed superhero he was destined to be.|
|T.J. Jagodowski: Be the fastest Willie the Wildcat Abilene Christian ever had.|