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1. How are Chicago sports like Valentine's Day?
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Matt Pais: Spending $100 on a teddy bear will get you nowhere. That commercial is ridiculous. |
| Shaun Davis: Talk about investing in an eventual letdown. #heartandmoney |
| Jane Monzures: It's feast or famine and you never know if there will be a happy ending. |
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Kat Velez: Not at all, because I actually care about Chicago sports. |
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T.J. Jagodowski: You like to get wined and dined before a little before you get [bleep]ed. |
2. Derrick Rose at 110 percent is like ...
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Matt Pais: ... a stock exchange I do not understand. Similar to several other stock exchanges. |
| Shaun Davis: ... the "Megamind" version of Barry Bonds. Bulls win 73* next year. |
| Jane Monzures: ... champagne, a dozen roses, a box of chocolates and a diamond ring! |
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Kat Velez: I tried to answer this, but then the Bulls cut me off. Weird. |
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T.J. Jagodowski: ... Brandon Knight at 164 percent. |
3. What can the Cubs learn from Kerry Wood as their spring instructor?
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Matt Pais: Longevity is overrated. First get good, though. |
| Shaun Davis: Definitely how to comport yourself as a lovable loser. |
| Jane Monzures: Since we already know they're not going to win, at least they can learn how to be really awesome guys. |
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Kat Velez: How to suffer through failure after failure after failure. |
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T.J. Jagodowski: How to make a really serviceable three-bean chili. |
4. Now that the Olympics have dropped wrestling, what should they add?
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Matt Pais: Long-distance trampoline hurdles. Absolutely horrifying that's not a sport yet. |
| Shaun Davis: MMA. Just totally take the wind out of boxing. #bodyblow |
| Jane Monzures: Olympic coach for bikini car washing, duh. |
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Kat Velez: Baseball and softball. Again. Jerks. |
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T.J. Jagodowski: Falling from heights. |
5. What will Johnny Knox do now that the Bears let him go?
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Matt Pais: Wonder why anyone pays Kellen Davis ever. What do you nickname a guy who's the opposite of "Hands"? |
| Shaun Davis: Retire and give thanks for literally being able to walk away from the game. |
| Jane Monzures: Bikini car washing, of course. |
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Kat Velez: Become the gold-themed superhero he was destined to be. |
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T.J. Jagodowski: Be the fastest Willie the Wildcat Abilene Christian ever had. |