1. Why is Joakim Noah having such a good season?
|Brian Moore: Courvoisier and weed?|
|Matt Pais: The man's effort should not be questioned, only praised. And given a towel.|
|Jane Monzures: It's the hair, like Samson in the Bible; I heard they're distant cousins.|
|Kat Velez: Because someone has to be.|
|Kate Bernot: Without D-Rose, someone has to.|
2. Why are the Lakers having such a bad season?
|Brian Moore: Kobe's on the verge of joining AARP, what do you expect?|
|Matt Pais: Besides for coaching and personnel problems? Who cares; it's awesome.|
|Jane Monzures: Their zen has left the building.|
|Kat Velez: On the court and off the court, it's the same reason: too many turnovers.|
|Kate Bernot: Karma. (Not to be confused with Metta World Peace.)|
3. What is Jay Cutler's New Year's resolution?
|Brian Moore: Reclaim the title of "most hated Bear" from Brian "Doesn't Care About Fans" Urlacher.|
|Matt Pais: To tell New Year's to shut up because he doesn't care about anything.|
|Jane Monzures: Like a lot of people, to quit smoking. Those photos on the Internet were real, right?|
|Kat Velez: Never listen to Chicago sports radio the day after a Bears loss. Wait, no -- that's mine.|
|Kate Bernot: To quit smoking. We've seen the Tumblr, Jay, you're busted.|
4. What's your excuse for losing in fantasy football this year?
|Brian Moore: Replacement refs.|
|Matt Pais: N/A. Didn't play. Totally would have won if I did though.|
|Jane Monzures: I thought Evan Lysacek would be my sleeper, but ice skating doesn't translate to the tight end position.|
|Kat Velez: I spent more time playing actual role-playing games.|
|Kate Bernot: I never even played! So yes, anyone's fantasy league is better than mine.|
5. If the White Sox lose A.J. Pierzynski, then ...
|Brian Moore: ... who will fill the role of irritating douche for the White Sox?|
|Matt Pais: ... I will continue to not watch the games or care about the team. We've been over this.|
|Jane Monzures: ... I can quit learning how to spell his last name.|
|Kat Velez: ... I hope he goes to the Cubs, because I'm a terrible human being. Merry Christmas!|
|Kate Bernot: ... some team's getting one heck of a catch.|