Five on Five: A.J = Cub?

1. Why is Joakim Noah having such a good season?
Brian Moore: Courvoisier and weed?
Matt Pais: The man's effort should not be questioned, only praised. And given a towel.
Jane Monzures: It's the hair, like Samson in the Bible; I heard they're distant cousins.
Kat Velez: Because someone has to be.
Kate Bernot: Without D-Rose, someone has to.
2. Why are the Lakers having such a bad season?
Brian Moore: Kobe's on the verge of joining AARP, what do you expect?
Matt Pais: Besides for coaching and personnel problems? Who cares; it's awesome.
Jane Monzures: Their zen has left the building.
Kat Velez: On the court and off the court, it's the same reason: too many turnovers.
Kate Bernot: Karma. (Not to be confused with Metta World Peace.)
3. What is Jay Cutler's New Year's resolution?
Brian Moore: Reclaim the title of "most hated Bear" from Brian "Doesn't Care About Fans" Urlacher.
Matt Pais: To tell New Year's to shut up because he doesn't care about anything.
Jane Monzures: Like a lot of people, to quit smoking. Those photos on the Internet were real, right?
Kat Velez: Never listen to Chicago sports radio the day after a Bears loss. Wait, no -- that's mine.
Kate Bernot: To quit smoking. We've seen the Tumblr, Jay, you're busted.
4. What's your excuse for losing in fantasy football this year?
Brian Moore: Replacement refs.
Matt Pais: N/A. Didn't play. Totally would have won if I did though.
Jane Monzures: I thought Evan Lysacek would be my sleeper, but ice skating doesn't translate to the tight end position.
Kat Velez: I spent more time playing actual role-playing games.
Kate Bernot: I never even played! So yes, anyone's fantasy league is better than mine.
5. If the White Sox lose A.J. Pierzynski, then ...
Brian Moore: ... who will fill the role of irritating douche for the White Sox?
Matt Pais: ... I will continue to not watch the games or care about the team. We've been over this.
Jane Monzures: ... I can quit learning how to spell his last name.
Kat Velez: ... I hope he goes to the Cubs, because I'm a terrible human being. Merry Christmas!
Kate Bernot: ... some team's getting one heck of a catch.
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