1. What should the Bears give Vikings QB Christian Ponder for his engagement?
|Phil Thompson: A monogrammed cleat to the groin. Thanks, Ndamukong Suh.|
|Tracy Swartz: A bended knee.|
|Shaun Davis: Give him an owner's manual on how to hand the ball to A.D.|
|Jimmy Greenfield: Candlesticks always make a nice gift, maybe a place-setting or a silverware pattern.|
|Bag Boy: Give him what all NFL QBs are getting: a concussion.|
2. What will the Bulls say to Ronnie Brewer when they play the Knicks on Saturday?
|Phil Thompson: "Here are the keys, don't scratch the paint."|
|Tracy Swartz: "Your winsanity streak comes to an end tonight."|
|Shaun Davis: "What?! You still can't find your jumper?"|
|Jimmy Greenfield: "You do realize you're not being guarded while shooting free throws, right?"|
|Bag Boy: "You are slow and average. You would fit in here."|
3. Welcome Jeff Keppinger to the White Sox.
|Phil Thompson: "Welcome, Jeff. I read somwhere that you hate losing. And you came to Chicago?"|
|Tracy Swartz: Sorry, I'm against any Adopt-a-'Dawg program.|
|Shaun Davis: "Welcome, Kep! Avoid the `can't get a man in from third with less than two outs' flu."|
|Jimmy Greenfield: "You'll know you're a South Sider when your signing is trumped by a Theo Epstein bowel movement."|
|Bag Boy: "I had a bottle of Keppingers once, pre-war. Good stuff."|
4. What's with all the Cubs-related hunting injuries?
|Phil Thompson: Well, when your manager looks like Elmer Fudd ...|
|Tracy Swartz: Beware during the playoffs. That may be the Cubs' only "shot" at a World Series.|
|Shaun Davis: LOL. I know all you guys wanted was a shot at the World Series, but that might be as close as you get.|
|Jimmy Greenfield: They should just be glad Cubs fans aren't very good shots.|
|Bag Boy: I don't know, but Dick Cheney is set to appear at the Cubs Convention.|
5. NHL players and owners' lips are sealed these days. What aren't they telling us?Tracy Swartz: Phil Thompson: Jimmy Greenfield: Shaun Davis: Bag Boy:
|Phil Thompson: I don't know, I wouldn't be able to hear them anyway over all the not-giving-a-care.|
|Tracy Swartz: Sealed lips are a sign of no talking.|
|Shaun Davis: That Gary Bettman dresses like David Stern in an attempt to bully the union.|
|Jimmy Greenfield: That they're big fans of the Go-Gos.|
|Bag Boy: That they're really tired and secretly hoping for half a season.|