1. The next time the Bears win in San Francisco ...
|Jim Walsh: Not gonna happen. Mayan apocalypse, bro.|
|Stick Figure: ... we'll probably be able to teleport there.|
|Soxman: ... Rice-A-Roni won't be the only San Francisco treat.|
|Brad Zibung: ... will never happen again since the 49ers are moving to Santa Clara.|
|Ernest Wilkins: ... hopefully they won't get the Tenderloin beat out of them. Whoodamn.|
2. How can the Bears recover after two straight ugly losses?
|Jim Walsh: Do a medicine dance or whatever to heal Cutler's brain faster.|
|Stick Figure: Get plenty of rest and fluids. Or buy some different losses, if they're available.|
|Soxman: Take a page from the 1983 White Sox and WIN ugly.|
|Brad Zibung: Knock the snot out of the Vikings next week.|
|Ernest Wilkins: Inspirational "getting back on track" montage set to Frank Stallone's "Far From Over"?|
3. What's the best part about Maryland and Rutgers joining the Big Ten?
|Jim Walsh: Conference names have now completely lost all meaning.|
|Stick Figure: Crab cakes at tailgates and arenas, I hope.|
|Soxman: The ACC no longer moves like a turtle and avoids the same ol' rut.|
|Brad Zibung: Not sure, but I heard Rutgers is the Purdue of New Jersey, so we've got that going for us.|
|Ernest Wilkins: Delusional Big Ten fans trying to get hyped about a Minnesota-Rutgers game.|
4. How will the Bulls greet Omer Asik when they play Houston on Wednesday?
|Jim Walsh: They'll kick it "Wire" style. Omer comin'! Omer comin'!|
|Stick Figure: Wearing space suits! They should return them when they're done, though.|
|Soxman: Celebrate his Turkish roots this Thanksgiving by smoking the turkey.|
|Brad Zibung: Trade for him.|
|Ernest Wilkins: Better question: What should I say to commemorate the Florida-Florida State game?|
5. Congratulate the Fire's Austin Berry on being named MLS Rookie of the Year.
|Jim Walsh: "Nice job, Austin."|
|Stick Figure: "Woohoo! Now let's go get crab cakes!"|
|Soxman: I won't razz Berry! The fruits of his play got the Fire out of many jams.|
|Brad Zibung: "Way to go, Austin! Will they make a movie about you like they did Henry Rowengartner?"|
|Ernest Wilkins: Let the best team win. LOL J/K. Bleep the bleepin' Gators and everything they stand for. Go Noles.|