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1. The next time the Bears win in San Francisco ...
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Jim Walsh: Not gonna happen. Mayan apocalypse, bro. |
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Stick Figure: ... we'll probably be able to teleport there. |
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Soxman: ... Rice-A-Roni won't be the only San Francisco treat. |
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Brad Zibung: ... will never happen again since the 49ers are moving to Santa Clara. |
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Ernest Wilkins: ... hopefully they won't get the Tenderloin beat out of them. Whoodamn. |
2. How can the Bears recover after two straight ugly losses?
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Jim Walsh: Do a medicine dance or whatever to heal Cutler's brain faster. |
| Stick Figure: Get plenty of rest and fluids. Or buy some different losses, if they're available. |
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Soxman: Take a page from the 1983 White Sox and WIN ugly. |
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Brad Zibung: Knock the snot out of the Vikings next week. |
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Ernest Wilkins: Inspirational "getting back on track" montage set to Frank Stallone's "Far From Over"? |
3. What's the best part about Maryland and Rutgers joining the Big Ten?
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Jim Walsh: Conference names have now completely lost all meaning. |
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Stick Figure: Crab cakes at tailgates and arenas, I hope. |
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Soxman: The ACC no longer moves like a turtle and avoids the same ol' rut. |
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Brad Zibung: Not sure, but I heard Rutgers is the Purdue of New Jersey, so we've got that going for us. |
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Ernest Wilkins: Delusional Big Ten fans trying to get hyped about a Minnesota-Rutgers game. |
4. How will the Bulls greet Omer Asik when they play Houston on Wednesday?
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Jim Walsh: They'll kick it "Wire" style. Omer comin'! Omer comin'! |
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Stick Figure: Wearing space suits! They should return them when they're done, though. |
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Soxman: Celebrate his Turkish roots this Thanksgiving by smoking the turkey. |
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Brad Zibung: Trade for him. |
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Ernest Wilkins: Better question: What should I say to commemorate the Florida-Florida State game? |
5. Congratulate the Fire's Austin Berry on being named MLS Rookie of the Year.
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Jim Walsh: "Nice job, Austin." |
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Stick Figure: "Woohoo! Now let's go get crab cakes!" |
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Soxman: I won't razz Berry! The fruits of his play got the Fire out of many jams. |
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Brad Zibung: "Way to go, Austin! Will they make a movie about you like they did Henry Rowengartner?" |
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Ernest Wilkins: Let the best team win. LOL J/K. Bleep the bleepin' Gators and everything they stand for. Go Noles. |