1. The Big Ten is adding two more teams. Where does it end?
|Pat Tomasulo: Two words: Southern Miss.|
|Evil Super Computer: When the machines take over, of course! BWAHAHAHA!|
|Clark Jones: It will end with a sad funeral for the Morbidly Obese 100.|
|John Dooley: I won't rest until Chicago State gets its due.|
|Angi Taylor: The Big TEN(S).|
2. Notre Dame football being ranked No. 1 means ...
|Pat Tomasulo: ... I have to block another 8,000 people on Facebook.|
|Evil Super Computer: ... my work here is done.|
|Clark Jones: ... NBC will be able to afford to bradcast more of their games -- and episodes of "Whitney."|
|John Dooley: ... it's just like 1993 again! Only this time I don't have horrific acne and girls talk to me.|
|Angi Taylor: ... Lou Holtz's predictions are finally right after years of getting eye rolls.|
3. How can Bears receiver Alshon Jeffery "take it to another notch"?
|Pat Tomasulo: Get a new bed post.|
|Evil Super Computer: Just turn the dial, dummy.|
|Clark Jones: First by looking up the word "notch."|
|John Dooley: Maybe switch up his first and last names. Jeffrey Alshon is tougher, versatile.|
|Angi Taylor: Any chance he can play QB?|
4. What was Jay Cutler thinking during the Bears game Monday?
|Pat Tomasulo: "Pffft, whatever."|
|Evil Super Computer: "How can I save money on my flight home for Thanksgiving? Better ask Evil Super Computer."|
|Clark Jones: "This guy is playing like he's No. 2! Oh, wait ..."|
|John Dooley: "I could totally be on national TV acting like a douche right now. This stinks."|
|Angi Taylor: "4 + 4 = 9" (Get it? A concussion joke?)|
5. Northern Illinois football has won 10 straight. What's the team's secret?
|Pat Tomasulo: There are no distractions in DeKalb.|
|Evil Super Computer: Robotic arms.|
|Clark Jones: Replacement refs.|
|John Dooley: Visiting teams aren't trying. They're just trying to get out of DeKalb as soon as possible.|
|Angi Taylor: Jordan! (Lynch)|