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1. The Big Ten is adding two more teams. Where does it end?
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Pat Tomasulo: Two words: Southern Miss. |
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Evil Super Computer: When the machines take over, of course! BWAHAHAHA! |
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Clark Jones: It will end with a sad funeral for the Morbidly Obese 100. |
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John Dooley: I won't rest until Chicago State gets its due. |
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Angi Taylor: The Big TEN(S). |
2. Notre Dame football being ranked No. 1 means ...
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Pat Tomasulo: ... I have to block another 8,000 people on Facebook. |
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Evil Super Computer: ... my work here is done. |
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Clark Jones: ... NBC will be able to afford to bradcast more of their games -- and episodes of "Whitney." |
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John Dooley: ... it's just like 1993 again! Only this time I don't have horrific acne and girls talk to me. |
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Angi Taylor: ... Lou Holtz's predictions are finally right after years of getting eye rolls. |
3. How can Bears receiver Alshon Jeffery "take it to another notch"?
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Pat Tomasulo: Get a new bed post. |
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Evil Super Computer: Just turn the dial, dummy. |
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Clark Jones: First by looking up the word "notch." |
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John Dooley: Maybe switch up his first and last names. Jeffrey Alshon is tougher, versatile. |
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Angi Taylor: Any chance he can play QB? |
4. What was Jay Cutler thinking during the Bears game Monday?
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Pat Tomasulo: "Pffft, whatever." |
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Evil Super Computer: "How can I save money on my flight home for Thanksgiving? Better ask Evil Super Computer." |
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Clark Jones: "This guy is playing like he's No. 2! Oh, wait ..." |
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John Dooley: "I could totally be on national TV acting like a douche right now. This stinks." |
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Angi Taylor: "4 + 4 = 9" (Get it? A concussion joke?) |
5. Northern Illinois football has won 10 straight. What's the team's secret?
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Pat Tomasulo: There are no distractions in DeKalb. |
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Evil Super Computer: Robotic arms. |
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Clark Jones: Replacement refs. |
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John Dooley: Visiting teams aren't trying. They're just trying to get out of DeKalb as soon as possible. |
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Angi Taylor: Jordan! (Lynch) |