Five on Five: Big Tense
The Big Ten wanted to add these five, but they'd rather write jokes for you instead
1. The Big Ten is adding two more teams. Where does it end?
|Pat Tomasulo: Two words: Southern Miss.|
|Evil Super Computer: When the machines take over, of course! BWAHAHAHA!|
|Clark Jones: It will end with a sad funeral for the Morbidly Obese 100.|
|John Dooley: I won't rest until Chicago State gets its due.|
|Angi Taylor: The Big TEN(S).|
2. Notre Dame football being ranked No. 1 means ...
|Pat Tomasulo: ... I have to block another 8,000 people on Facebook.|
|Evil Super Computer: ... my work here is done.|
|Clark Jones: ... NBC will be able to afford to bradcast more of their games -- and episodes of "Whitney."|
|John Dooley: ... it's just like 1993 again! Only this time I don't have horrific acne and girls talk to me.|
|Angi Taylor: ... Lou Holtz's predictions are finally right after years of getting eye rolls.|
3. How can Bears receiver Alshon Jeffery "take it to another notch"?
|Pat Tomasulo: Get a new bed post.|
|Evil Super Computer: Just turn the dial, dummy.|
|Clark Jones: First by looking up the word "notch."|
|John Dooley: Maybe switch up his first and last names. Jeffrey Alshon is tougher, versatile.|
|Angi Taylor: Any chance he can play QB?|
4. What was Jay Cutler thinking during the Bears game Monday?
|Pat Tomasulo: "Pffft, whatever."|
|Evil Super Computer: "How can I save money on my flight home for Thanksgiving? Better ask Evil Super Computer."|
|Clark Jones: "This guy is playing like he's No. 2! Oh, wait ..."|
|John Dooley: "I could totally be on national TV acting like a douche right now. This stinks."|
|Angi Taylor: "4 + 4 = 9" (Get it? A concussion joke?)|
5. Northern Illinois football has won 10 straight. What's the team's secret?
|Pat Tomasulo: There are no distractions in DeKalb.|
|Evil Super Computer: Robotic arms.|
|Clark Jones: Replacement refs.|
|John Dooley: Visiting teams aren't trying. They're just trying to get out of DeKalb as soon as possible.|
|Angi Taylor: Jordan! (Lynch)|
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